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<title>1、 碗掉下来，天大个疤 </title>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>1</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、</span>
<span style='font-family:宋体'>碗掉下来，天大个疤</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>2</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、一次文艺晚会，主持人上台报幕：下面请欣赏：新疆歌舞，掀起你的头盖骨！</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>毛骨悚然！！！！！</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>3</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、老虎不发猫，你当我是病危呀！</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>4</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、上高中时，课堂纪律混乱，老师一怒之下揪起</span><span
lang=EN-US>XXX</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>，说：</span><span lang=EN-US>XXX,</span><span
style='font-family:宋体'>你给我站墙上去！</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>~~</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>全班暴寒！</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>5</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、一次我开车，坐我旁边的女同事突然问：“你怎么开车不系安全套的？”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>6</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、我：那是我们物理老师。。。</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>同学：教什么的阿？</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>我：化学。。。</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>7</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、在网吧，一同学突然举手，大喊：“老师！”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>8</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、我们宿舍一个人喝多了要去尿尿然后带出一句冷话：尿喝多了，酒就特别多．</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>9</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、买橘子，老板：一块五一斤。我：太贵了，五块钱三斤吧。老板：不行不行。</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>10</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、朋友问我电脑配置，我说显示器是彩屏的。（本来是想说液晶的）</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>11</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、初中文艺晚会，抢答题环节。</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>女主持：“大家注意了，不要抢的太快。等我说完开始在举手”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'> 然后开始念题目，说，“现在开。。。”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>这时候，一个选手就抢答了。</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'> 主持人就说“这位同学太着急了一点。我‘始’（屎）还在口里，你怎么就抢</span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>了”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>12</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、听过一</span><span
lang=EN-US>MM</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>在食堂喊“给我一碗白粉</span><span
lang=EN-US>~</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>！”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>13</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、上学的时候</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'> 有一天一个电话找我</span> <span style='font-family:宋体'> 同学接完递给我说：“你妈妈的。”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>我一边接过电话一便随口说到：“男的女的”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'> 大家狂笑</span> <span style='font-family:宋体'>我被笑了</span><span
lang=EN-US>4</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>年</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>14</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、同学的高中同学（一男生）走进面馆很酷把头发一甩：“老板，</span><span
lang=EN-US>2</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>两葱不要米</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>线！”完了还加一句：“多下点米线啊！”老板：“。。。。你到底是要米线还是要葱？？”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>15</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一次寝室里同学的老妈打电话过来</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>我习惯说“他不在”，但是这一次我想说的的是“已经出去了”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'> </span> <span
style='font-family:宋体'>结果说出来是：“他已经…不在了”</span> </p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>16</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、</span><span
lang=EN-US>gg</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>递给我一根冰糕，我咬一口大叫：“烫死我了！”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>17</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、和我姐姐去李宁买鞋，我姐一开口：“小姐，这鞋多少钱一斤？”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>18</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一次我拍我宿舍同学的肚子，她大声说：“别拍，我肚子里有小便。”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>19</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、</span>
<span style='font-family:宋体'>高中时每人发个胸牌。。一次来检查前，班主任跑到教室大声喊，大家快把胸</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>罩戴起来，来查拉。。 全场鸦雀无声。。。</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>20</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、上学时周末回家，晚饭后烟瘾犯了，打算借口去散步。在门口换鞋时，老爸问我</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>干吗去？我随口说了句：“去散个烟！”结果老爸从我身上搜出一包</span><span
lang=EN-US>555</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>，狠狠</span><span lang=EN-US>K</span><span
style='font-family:宋体'>了我</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>一顿。</span> </p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>21</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、一次教育局领导视察课间操，结束后，本应由体育老师宣布“解散”，但一时情</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>急，忘词了，憋了半天，大喊：“撤退！”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>22</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、高中有一老师姓江，酷似罗家英（演大话西游唐僧的），我去问他问题，脱口而</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>出：“唐老师，这题……”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>23</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一同事，有天我开车在路上车胎没气了，问哪里有充气的，同事说：“街上到</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>处都是打胎的啊！”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>24</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一老师大概通宵麻将，见黑板没擦，大怒：“今天谁做庄啊？黑板都不擦！”</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>25</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一次我大叔见我小姑在搽大宝，突然大叫一声：“你皮肤这么好，还用护舒宝</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>啊？”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>26</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、老师留下作业，我不会做就抄别人的，然后去办公室交作业，看见老师说：“我</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>抄完了！”</span><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>27</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、有一次，我们去黄山旅游，导游刚好介绍到：百步云梯是当年刘小庆</span><span
lang=EN-US><<</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>小花</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span><span style='font-family:宋体'>的</span><span lang=EN-US>
</span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:宋体'>景点。突然我们团里一个男人脱口而出：“导演</span><span
lang=EN-US>........</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>“众人晕。</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US> </span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US>28</span><span style='font-family:宋体'>、那次几个女同学来我家玩，我去拿水了，她们打开影碟机看片子，我在里屋听到</span><span
lang=EN-US> </span></p>
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