英语常用脏话实战 vol.1.txt

工作之余让自己好好轻松一下

{33806}{33888}All right, you turds,|listen up!
{33890}{33974}Your moms are away at a meeting.|They put me in charge of you.
{33976}{34046}But you're still grounded,|so you're not allowed to have any fun.
{34048}{34118}- Any questions?|- Shelley, where's the clitoris?
{34176}{34247}Now you all just sit there|and keep your mouths shut...
{34248}{34332}while l go listen to|my Britney Spears records.
{34334}{34395}- [ Door Closes ]|- Okay, it's clear.
{34397}{34444}[ Audience Applauding ]
{34445}{34516}Our next guests have the number one|movie in the world right now.
{34517}{34579}Please welcome|Terrance and Phillip.
{34581}{34652}- Yea!|- [ Studio Audience Booing ]
{34653}{34700}- Hello, Conan.|- Hello, Brooke Shields.
{34701}{34806}Guys, some people claim|that your Canadian humor|is nothing but immature fart jokes.
{34807}{34884}That's not true. Take this classic|Canadian joke, for instance.
{34886}{34947}- [ Clears Throat ]|Excuse me, Terrance.|- Yes, Phillip?
{34949}{34999}[ Poot ]
{35001}{35042}- [ Cackling ]|- Gosh-darn it!
{35074}{35123}- Good one, Phillip. Cheers!|- Cheers, fuck-face.
{35125}{35170}Guys, you can't|say that on TV.
{35172}{35218}Now Terrance smells|like my ass!
{35220}{35303}l farted once on the set|of Blue Lagoon!
{35398}{35468}So, guys, does it make you|nervous to be in America?
{35470}{35543}A lot of organizations here want you|arrested for destroying children.
{35544}{35614}- They'd have to find us first.|- You're right. Now!
{35616}{35656}[ Soldiers Shouting ]
{35658}{35704}Terrance and Phillip...
{35706}{35772}Mothers Against Canada is placing you|under citizen's arrest!
{35774}{35816}- Mom?|- Dude, what the hell's going on?
{35818}{35868}We have a court order|for your arrest!
{35870}{35948}- Phillip, we've been ambushed!|- Here you go, Conan.
{35950}{36002}This little scrotum-sucker|deceived us.
{36004}{36058}- You are a bad man!|- Don't listen to them, Conan.
{36060}{36123}You loved our movie, Conan.|We watched it together.
{36124}{36171}Remember?|You laughed!
{36172}{36222}What have l done?
{36224}{36268}[ Screaming ]
{36317}{36364}[ Car Alarm Wailing ]
{36365}{36403}- [ Click ]|- [ Alarm Stops ]
{36405}{36486}Holy crap! Did you see that?|They arrested Terrance and Phillip!
{36613}{36653}As the Canadian ambassador...
{36655}{36726}l condemn the actions taken by America|in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.
{36727}{36769}- [ Muttering, Shouting ]|- As you can see...
{36771}{36830}the entire economy of Canada|relies on Terrance and Phillip.
{36832}{36900}- Without them,|we are doomed to recession.|- [ Gavel Bangs ]
{36901}{36953}What say you,|Mr. American Ambassador?
{36955}{37023}[ Ambassadors Quiet ]
{37025}{37084}- Fuck Canada!|- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
{37085}{37132}Terrance and Phillip|will not be released.
{37133}{37198}They are going to be put on trial|for corrupting America's youth.
{37200}{37246}We don't know what|all the fuss is about.
{37248}{37294}The fuss is ""aboot""|taking our citizens!
{37296}{37350}lt's ""aboot"" not censoring our art.|lt's ""aboot""--
{37352}{37415}lt's ""aboot""--|What's so goddamn funny?
{37416}{37456}N-Nothing. Nothing.
{37458}{37528}Could you tell us again|what your argument is all about?
{37530}{37596}This is not ""aboot"" diplomacy;|this is ""aboot"" dignity.
{37598}{37662}This is ""aboot"" respect. This is|""aboot"" realizing that humor is--
{37663}{37710}- [ Laughing Continues ]|- You guys are dicks!
{37711}{37787}Release Terrance and Phillip, or we'll|give you something to cry ""aboot""!
{37834}{37883}Stop! Stop!
{38099}{38169}Pilot to bombardier!|Pilot to bombardier!|Were nearing the target!
{38171}{38210}Bombs ready, buddy!
{38211}{38247}- [ Phone Rings ]|- Baldwin residence.
{38249}{38298}No, this is Billy Baldwin!
{38300}{38375}lf you want Daniel Baldwin|call his extension, stupid!
{38376}{38471}- Alec, do you know what sucks|about being a Baldwin?|- No. What?
{38473}{38526}- Nothing!|- Yeah! [ Laughing ]
{38656}{38711}Ha-ha!|You missed me!
{38744}{38799}[ School Bell Rings ]
{38801}{38914}Children, your mothers|are all making me throw away|my lesson plan and teach theirs.
{38916}{38972}How come our moms arrested|Terrance and Phillip?
{38974}{39006}- [ All ] Yeah!|- That's gay.
{39007}{39054}Well, your moms|are just upset.
{39055}{39125}- They're probably all|on their periods or something.|- Not cool.
{39127}{39202}Mr. Garrison, Wendy and l think|that was a sexist statement.
{39204}{39300}l'm sorry, Wendy, but l just|don't trust anything that bleeds|for five days and doesn't die.
{39302}{39391}Anyway, children, let's start off|with some vocabulary.
{39393}{39450}- [ Mr. Mackey ] Attention, students!|- Oh, what now?
{39452}{39564}Come to the gymnasium immediately|for a special announcement. M'kay?
{39566}{39620}[ All Chattering ]
{39621}{39683}- What's goin' on, Chef?|- Something big, children.
{39684}{39739}Chef, l can't find the clitoris.|You have to help me.
{39741}{39840}- Stan, the clitoris is--|- Take your seats, everyone.|They're about to announce it.
{39842}{39911}- M'kay?|- This is a state of emergency.
{39913}{40002}We go now to the White House|for an announcement from the|President of the United States.
{40004}{40050}My fellow Americans...
{40052}{40165}at 5:00 a.m. today,|a day which will live in infamy...
{40166}{40245}the Canadians|have bombed the Baldwins.
{40247}{40292}ln response to this...
{40293}{40372}the U.S. has declared war|on Canada.
{40374}{40408}[ All Gasp ]
{40410}{40456}- Oh, no!|- War?
{40458}{40531}- No, Gregory, no!|- This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.
{40533}{40576}All the Baldwins are dead?
{40577}{40648}Now it is time for us|to send a message to Canadians.
{40649}{40731}ln two days' time, the war criminals|Terrance and Phillip...
{40733}{40779}will be executed.
{40781}{40827}They're gonna kill them?
{40829}{40924}And now l'd like to bring out my newly|appointed secretary of offense...
{40925}{40974}Ms. Sheila Broflovski.
{40976}{41039}- Holy shit, dude!|- My fellow Americans...
{41041}{41136}our neighbor to the north|has abused us for the last time.
{41137}{41184}l have a plan|as commander-in-chief--
{41185}{41271}Canadians want to fight us because we|won't tolerate their potty mouths.
{41273}{41325}Well, if it is war they want...
{41327}{41386}then war they shall have!
{41438}{41484}Dude, this is fucking weak.
{41486}{41543}How could things|be any worse?
{41720}{41792}[ Whimpering ]
{41793}{41880}Fallen one, l am Satan.
{41882}{41945}l am your god now.
{41947}{42009}[ Shrieking ]
{42011}{42058}There is no escape!
{42060}{42138}[ Whimpering ]
{42140}{42210}Now feel|the delightful pain.
{42212}{42287}Hey, Satan!|Did you hear the news?
{42289}{42354}A war just broke out|up on Earth.
{42356}{42439}Meet Saddam Hussein,|my new partner in evil!
{42441}{42496}- Huh?|- Move over, Satan.|You're hoggin' all the fun.
{42496}{42587}- [ Metal Clanking ]|- Yeah! Yeah!|Man, this is gettin' me so hot!
{42588}{42656}- [ Continues Whimpering ]|- Saddam, would you let me|do my job, please?
{42658}{42776}- Come on, rub my nipples while|l torture this little piggy.|- Could l talk to you a second?
{42828}{42912}l don't see why you have to belittle me|in front of people like that.
{42914}{42950}Hey, relax, guy!
{42952}{43017}Well, sometimes l think you|don't have any respect for me.
{43019}{43068}Hey, come here, guy.
{43095}{43161}- Who's my cream puff?|- l am.
{43163}{43222}- That's right, baby.|- Huh?
{43293}{43340}Dude, l don't wanna be at war.
{43341}{43402}You don't think they're really gonna|kill Terrance and Phillip, do you?
{43404}{43451}Kyle, you need to stand up|to your mother.
{43452}{43526}Smack her in the face and say,|""That's enough of your shit,|you fuckin' bitch!""
{43527}{43573}Don't call my mom a bitch,|Cartman!
{43575}{43645}You guys, stop it. This isn't helping.|We've got to think here.
{43647}{43699}Let's see.|What would Brian Boitano do?
{43701}{43760}Yeah, what would|Brian Boitano do?
{43831}{43927}- Hey, what's goin' on?|- America thinks it has|the right to police the world.
{43929}{44021}Your government is going to kill|two Canadian citizens,|an action condemned by the U.N.
{44023}{44069}Home of the free, indeed.
{44099}{44150}- Let's play tetherball.|- [ All ] Yeah!
{44151}{44222}This is about freedom of speech,|about censorship!
{44224}{44270}Can't you guys be more political|like Gregory?
{44272}{44333}[ Voice-over ]|. There's the girl that l like .
{44335}{44414}. Now it appears that|she likes another guy .
{44416}{44511}. lt must be because|he's political and stuff .
{44552}{44618}. l bet|l could be political too ..
{44620}{44672}What do you think, Sta--
{44674}{44723}- Oh, God! [ Wailing ]|- Damn it!
{44725}{44799}- You guys, this is|all Kyle's mom's fault.|- Shut up, Cartman!
{44801}{44903}Kyle's mom started that|damn club, and all because|she's a big, fat, stupid b--
{44904}{44951}Don't say it, Cartman.
{44952}{44979}. Well-- .
{44980}{45028}Don't do it, Cartman!
{45030}{45061}. Well-- .
{45063}{45106}- l'm warning you!|- Okay, okay.
{45108}{45155}l'm gettin' pretty sick|of him calling my mom--
{45157}{45208}. Well... Kyle's mom's a bitch|She's a big, fat bitch .
{45210}{45245}. She's the biggest bitch|in the whole wide world .
{45247}{45283}. She's a stupid bitch|if there ever was a bitch .
{45284}{45330}. She's a bitch|to all the boys and girls .
{45332}{45396}Shut your fucking mouth,|Cartman!
{45398}{45433}. On Monday she's a bitch|On Tuesday she's a bitch .
{45435}{45467}. On Wednesdays and Saturdays|she's a bitch .
{45468}{45515}. Then on Sunday|just to be different .
{45516}{45568}. She's a super|King Kamehameha ""bee-utch"" .
{45569}{45617}Come on!|You all know the words!
{45618}{45650}. Have you ever met|my friend Kyle's mom .
{45652}{45684}. She's the biggest bitch|in the whole wide world .
{45686}{45715}. She's a mean old bitch|and she has stupid hair .
{45717}{45766}. She's a big, big, big, big|Big, big bitch .
{45767}{45824}. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch|Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch|She's a stupid bitch .
{45825}{45860}- Whoo!|- . Kyle's mom's a bitch .
{45862}{45926}- . And she's such a dirty bitch .|- Bitch!
{45928}{45984}Talk to kids around the world,|it might go a little bit|something like this:
{45985}{46054}.. [ Mock Chinese ]
{46055}{46124}.. [ Mock French ]
{46125}{46200}.. [ Mock Dutch, Yodeling ]
{46201}{46261}.. [ Mock African Language ]
{46263}{46293}. Have you ever met|my friend Kyle's mom .
{46295}{46326}. She's the biggest bitch|in the whole wide world .
{46327}{46384}. She's a mean old bitch|and she has stupid hair .
{46385}{46435}- . She's a bitch, bitch, bitch|bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch .|- [ All Gasp ]
{46437}{46463}. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch|Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch .
{46465}{46505}- . She's a stupid bitch .|- Uh, Cartman--
{46507}{46560}. Kyle's mom's a bitch|and she's such a dirty bitch .
{46562}{46591}. l really mean it .
{46593}{46645}. Kyle's mom .
{46647}{46689}. She's a big, fat .
{46691}{46764}. Fuckin' bitch .
{46766}{46825}. Big old fat fuckin' bitch|Kyle's mom ..
{46827}{46894}Yeah! Shh-kah!
{46973}{47019}What?
{47049}{47096}Oh, fuck.
{47100}{47157}[ Sheila ]|Okay, everyone, settle down!
{47158}{47220}As we continue|to send troops into Canada...
{47222}{47303}M.A.C. is also fighting the war|against potty mouths here at home.
{47305}{47385}Here to present the V-chip|is Dr. Vosknocker.
{47387}{47438}- [ Clears Throat ]|- [ Audience Murmuring ]
{47476}{47530}The machinery of the V-chip|is very simple.
{47532}{47629}lt is placed under|the child's skin where it emits|a small shock of electricity...
{47630}{47681}whenever an obscenity|is uttered.
{47683}{47764}Now, uh, wait a minute. This chip|somehow knows if the child is swearing?
{47765}{47861}lt's just like a lie detector.|Things happen to you when you|swear just like when you lie.
{47863}{47949}The chip picks up on this|and gives the subject a little prick.
{47951}{48024}Patient B-5, would you|step out here, please.
{48026}{48110}Patient B-5 here has been fitted|with the new V-chip.
{48112}{48159}- Ow, my head hurts.|- Don't worry about that.
{48161}{48229}Now, l want you|to say ""doggy.""
{48231}{48310}- ""Doggy.""|- Notice that nothing happens.
{48311}{48358}Now say ""Montana.""
{48359}{48406}- Montana.|- Good!
{48407}{48474}- Now ""pillow.""|- Pillow.
{48475}{48554}All right, now l want you|to say ""horse fucker.""
{48579}{48623}Go ahead, Eric.|lt's all right.
{48624}{48693}- Horsefu-- Aaah! Yiii!|- [ All Gasping ]
{48695}{48763}That hurt, godda-- Aiii!|Oww! Fuck-- Aaah!
{48764}{48836}Now l'd like you to say|""big floppy donkey dick.""
{48838}{48882}No!|Success!
{48884}{48928}The child doesn't|want to swear!
{48930}{48978}This isn't fair,|you sons of bitches-- Yaaaah!
{48980}{49086}- We will start putting V-chips|in all our children next week.|- [ Zapping, Screaming ]
{49088}{49128}[ Cheering ]
{49136}{49176}[ Announcer ]|Snacky Smores presents:
{49232}{49289}Let's hear it|for our boys in blue.
{49291}{49357}President Clinton has|called them to action to fight|the evil Canadian scourge.
{49359}{49419}A full-scale attack|has been launched on Toronto...
{49420}{49467}after the Canadians'|last bombing...
{49469}{49528}which took a horrible toll|on the Arquette family.
{49530}{49576}For security measures,|our great American government...
{49578}{49672}is rounding up all citizens|that have any Canadian blood|and putting them into camps.
{49674}{49754}All Canadian-American citizens|are to report to one of these|death camps right away.
{49756}{49802}Did l say ""death camps""?
{49804}{49869}l meant happy camps, where you|will eat the finest meals...
{49871}{49928}have access to fabulous doctors|and be able to exercise regularly.
{49930}{50026}Meanwhile, the war criminals|Terrance and Phillip|are prepped for their execution.
{50028}{50066}Their execution|will take place...
{50068}{50112}during a fabulous U.S.O. show...
{50114}{50157}with special guest celebrities|including:
{50212}{50311}Of course, the only way to see the|U.S.O. show is to sign up for the Army.
{50313}{50407}So join the Army and kill|some Canadian scum as we continue:
{50575}{50624}We must rid ourselves|of anything Canadian!
{50626}{50677}- [ Man ] Down with Canada!|- [ Woman ] Bomb them!
{50679}{50754}Dude, don't you like|Terrance and Phillip anymore?
{50756}{50847}Of course not. My mommy says|l hate Canadians now 'cause they|made me have a dirty mouth.
{50848}{50900}Burn it all!
{50902}{50950}- Hey, dudes.|- What's the matter, Cartman?
{50952}{51041}- lt's this V-chip. l hate it.|l can't say any dirty words.|- Really?
{51042}{51089}- So you can't say ""fuck""?|- No.
{51090}{51137}- And you can't say ""shit""?|- Nope.