📄 telemarket_torture.ael2
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//// AN EXCERSIZE IN BAD DIALPLAN DESIGN// (What better testing ground than on telemarketers?)//// BAD DESIGN: long, boring introductions followed by long, drawn out menus of choices.// if they survive to the last option, how will they remember the choices?//// BAD DESIGN: Amateur Recording. Poor voice quality, too quiet.// Also, the announcer is definitely not vocally gifted.// Also, the long pauses and clicks between the intro// and menu choices might lead some to think that// the announcements are over, and hang up. Too bad!// WORSE DESIGN: Instead of using the Background application, the Playback// application is used. After taking so much time and trouble// to record this material, the caller must listen and enjoy // every syllable before they can make an option choice. None// of that interrupting with a choice. We want them to savour// every word!// GOOD/BAD, ER INSIDIOUS -- DANGLE A CARROT-- GIVE THE LISTENER A GOOD REASON TO// HANG ON AND VOLUNTARILY LISTEN TO THE TORTURE.// BUT, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU WON'T KEEP!context telemarket { s => { begin: Playback(telemarketer-intro); // ; Script: // Due to the extremely high volume of calls from everything from telemarketers // to Septic System Bacteria vendors, we are asking all such organizations // to remove this number from their call list, or as need be, to add this // number to their No-Call list, whichever is relevent. // [THE CARROT:] // We HAVE made some exceptions, and if you wish to see if your organization // has been exempted, please listen to and follow the following prompts. // // Otherwise, please Cease calling this number! // Playback(telemarketer-choices); // if you represent a charitable organization, please dial 1, // if you represent a political organization, please dial 2. // if you represent a polling company, please dial 3, // if you represent a market research organization, please dial 4. // if you represent a magazine or newsletter, please dial 5. // if you represent a commercial organization, please dial 6. } 1 => goto telemarket-charity|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-political|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-pollster|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-research|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-magazine|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-commercial|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-other|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-charity { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-charity-intro); // We have contributed generously to many worthy causes in the past, and will // continue to do so in the future. But we suspect that such organizatons // have sold our name and phone number to each other until we are now hounded // day and night by literally hundreds of such organizations. // Enough is Enough! // // If we have contributed to your cause in the past, we may, perhaps, be disposed to // do so in the future, at our option, // we give no pledges nor make any commitments here. // Send us material via the post if you feel this necessary // but do not even consider email. Any email or further phone calls from your organization // in the future, will be considered an act of aggression, and we will // blacklist your organization for the rest of our natural lives. // // To see if your organization is exempt from these prohibitions, please // comply with the following options. Playback(telemark-charity-choices); // If your organization is disease or genetic defect related, dial 1, // If your organization is handicap related, dial 2. // If your organization is a police or fireman or other similar support entity, please dial 3. // If your organization is a grade school to high school related // fund raiser or other type of activity, please dial 4. // If your organization is a college or univerity or alumnis organization, please dial 5. // If your organization is animal rights or ecology related organization, please dial 6. // If your organization is a political action or candidate support related, please dial 7. // If your organization is a substance abuse related organization or cause, please dial 8. // And any other charity or tax exempt organization should dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-char-disease|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-char-handicap|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-char-police|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-char-school|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-char-college|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-char-animal|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-char-candidate|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-char-abuse|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-char-other|s|begin;// BAD DESIGN: referring all timeouts,invalid choices, etc, back to the root of the menu tree will frustrate users no end!// WORSE DESIGN: How about having the user have to push a button to repeat the current menu? When a time out could just// automatically do it for the user? t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-char-disease { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-handicap { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-police { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-school { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-college { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-animal { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-candidate { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-abuse { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-char-other { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-sorry { s => { begin: Playback(telemarket-sorry); // Sorry -- your organization is not exempt. Please stop calling us. // Thank you. goodbye. Hangup(); }}// BAD DESIGN: Hanging up on your audience, no matter what the outcome, is not a nice thing to do!context telemarket-exception { s => { begin: Playback(telemarket-success); // Congratulations. Your organization IS exempt. Please call us back, // but this time, just act like a normal caller. Thank you. Goodbye. Hangup(); }}// BAD DESIGN: Making long cascading menu choices is a nasty thing to do to callers!// BAD DESIGN: Putting the most frequently encountered items at the end of a list is also a nasty thing to do!// GOOD DESIGN: All rejection notices use a single context. All Acceptance also. To change a rejection to an// acceptance, just change the reference from telemarket-sorry to telemarket-exceptioncontext telemarket-political { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-polit-intro); // To see if your organization is exempt from our prohibitions, // please follow the following prompts. // please note that they are not in alphabetical order, and you will have to // give them your full attention. Playback(telemark-polit-choices); // if You represent the America First Party, dial 1. // if You represent the American Party, dial 2. // if You represent the American Heritage Party, dial 3. // if You represent the American Independent Party, dial 4. // if You represent the American Nazi Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Pot Party, dial 6. // if You represent the American Reform Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Christian Falenqist Party of America, dial 8. // all others, please dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Am1st|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-American|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-AmHer|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-AmInd|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-AmNaz|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Pot|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-AmRef|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-CFP|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political2|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-political2 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); // Thank you for your patience, and I congratulate you for your persistence. // Just a few more options! // Playback(telemark-polit2-choices); // if You represent the Communist Party USA, dial 1. // if You represent the Constitution Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Family Values Party, dial 3. // if You represent the Freedom Socialist Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Grass Roots Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Green Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Greens Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Independence Party, dial 8. // all others, goto 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Communist|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Constit|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-FamVal|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-FreedSoc|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-Grassroot|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Green|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Greens|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-Independence|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political3|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-political3 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit3-choices); // if You represent the Independant American Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Labor Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Libertarian Party, dial 3. // if You represent the Light Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Natural Law Party, dial 5. // if You represent the New Party, dial 6. // if You represent the New Union Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Peace and Freedom Party, dial 8. // all others, hang on, dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-IndAm|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Labor|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Liber|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-Light|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-NatLaw|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-New|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-NewUn|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-PeaceFree|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political4|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-political4 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit4-choices); // if You represent the Prohibition Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Reform Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Revolution , dial 3. // if You represent the Socialist Party USA, dial 4. // if You represent the Socialist Action Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Socialist Equality Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Socialist Labor Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Socialist Workers Party, dial 8. // all others, hang on, and dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Prohib|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Ref|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Revol|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-SocPart|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-SocAct|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-SocEq|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-SocLab|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-SocWork|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political5|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-political5 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit5-choices); // if You represent the Southern Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Southern Independence Party, dial 2. // if You represent the US Pacifist Party, dial 3. // if You represent the We the People Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Workers World Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Democratic Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Republican Party, dial 7. // all others, may dial 8. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-South|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-SoInd|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-USPac|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-WTP|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-WWP|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Democrat|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Repub|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-other|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin;}context telemarket-poli-other { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-Repub { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-Democrat { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-WWP { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-WTP { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-USPac { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }}context telemarket-poli-SoInd { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; }
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