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Date: Tue, 05 Nov 1996 21:24:53 GMTServer: NCSA/1.5Content-type: text/htmlLast-modified: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 14:30:49 GMTContent-length: 5513<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft</TITLE></HEAD><BODY BACKGROUND="space.jpg" BGCOLOR=#000000 TEXT=#008080 LINK=#00B0B0 VLINK=#B0B0B0 ALINK=#B0B0B0><H1>Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft</H1><HR><DL><P><DT> <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding aweakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their commandpathways? <P><DT> Geordi: <DD> Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searchingthrough our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology. <P><EM>Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computerscreen.</EM><P><P><DT> Riker <EM>[puzzled]</EM><DD> What the hell is <EM>Microsoft</EM>? <P><DT> Data <EM>[turns to explain]</EM><DD> Allow me to explain. We will send thisprogram, for some reason called <EM>Windows</EM>, through the Borg commandpathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming systemresources at an unstoppable rate. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they altertheir processing systems to increase their storage capacity? <P><DT> Data: <DD> Yes, Captain. But when <EM>Windows</EM> detects this, it createsa new version of itself known as an <EM>upgrade.</EM> The use ofresources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg willnot be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of theirprocessing ability will be taken over and none will be available fortheir normal operational functions. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Excellent work. This is even better than that <EM>unsolvablegeometric shape</EM> idea. <H3>. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .</H3> <P><DT> Data: <DD> Captain, we have successfully installed the <EM>Windows</EM> in theBorg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of allavailable resources. However, we have not received any confirmationof the expected <EM>upgrade.</EM> <P><DT> Geordi: <DD> Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPUcapacity, but we still have no indication of an <EM>upgrade</EM> tocompensate for their increase. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there issomething we have missed. <P><DT> Data: <DD> Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the<EM>upgrade.</EM> Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of theplan by not sending in their registration cards. <P><DT> Riker:<DD> Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to beginemergency escape sequence 3F! <P><DT> Geordi: <EM>[excited]</EM><DD> Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% ! <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Data, what do your scanners show? <P><DT> Data: <EM>[studying displays]</EM><DD> Appearently the Borg have found the internal <EM>Windows</EM>module named <EM>Solitaire</EM>, and it has used up all available CPUcapacity. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Let</EM>s wait and see how long this <EM>Solitaire</EM> can reducetheir functionality. <H3>. . . . Two Hours Pass . . .</H3> <P><DT> Riker:<DD> Geordi, what is the status of the Borg? <P><DT> Geordi: <DD> As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensatefor increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfullyincrease resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beaconto transmit more <EM>Windows</EM> modules from something called the<EM>Microsoft Fun-Pack.</EM> <P><DT> Picard: <DD> How much time will that buy us? <P><DT> Data: <DD> Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time spanof 6 more hours. <P><DT> Geordi: <DD> Captain, another vessel has entered our sector. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Identify. <P><DT> Data: <DD> It appears to have markings very similar to the </EM>Microsoft</EM>logo... <P><DT> <EM>[over the speakers]</EM><DD> <STRONG>This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship<EM>MONOPOLY</EM>. We have positive confirmation of unregisteredsoftware in this sector. Surrender all assets and we can avoid anytrouble. You have 10 seconds to comply.</STRONG> <P><DT> Data: <DD> The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and releasedthousands of humanoid-shaped objects. <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft! <P><DT> Riker:<DD> My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straighttoward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can theysurvive the tortures of deep space?! <P><DT> Data: <DD> I don</EM>t believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer Ibelieve you will see that they are carrying somethingrecognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, andwearing Armani suits.<P> <DT> Riker and Picard, together <EM>[horrified]</EM><DD> Lawyers!! <P><DT> Geordi: <DD> It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and senthurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening. <P><DT> Data: <DD> True, but appearently some must have survived. <P><DT> Riker:<DD> They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with alltypes of papers. <P><DT> Data: <DD> I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as <EM>redtape.</EM> It often proves fatal. <P><DT> Riker:<DD> They're tearing the Borg to pieces! <P><DT> Picard: <DD> Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borgdoesn't deserve such a gruesome death!</DL><HR></BODY></HTML>⌨️ 快捷键说明
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