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<p><em>80 Jan 21:</em>
The first homework assignment will be just garbage -- but
you're supposed to know it anyway.
<p><em>80 Feb 20:</em>
The bottoms become the tops and the tops become the bottoms.
<h2>Richard Platek</h2>
<p><em>77 Feb 07:</em>
We want to talk about meaning -- syntax just leads you astray.
<p><em>77 Mar 21:</em>
Syntax is the most dreary of subjects.
<h2>Alex Rosenberg </h2>
<p><em>81 Sep 18:</em>
Just one more thing and we'll get all this garbage,
and go on to other garbage.
<p><em>81 Nov 06:</em>
Since it's harder, let's call it a theorem.
<p><em>81 Dec 02:</em>
I want to go from the ridiculous to the sublime.
<h2>Richard Shore</h2>
<p><em>76 Apr 30:</em>
Let's see if by the end of the semester we can cover everything
we assumed at the beginning of the semester.
<h1>Operations Research</h1>
<h2>Bob Bland</h2>
<p><em>79 Nov 05:</em>
Texts on graph theory don't treat linear programming very well.
On the other hand, linear programming texts don't do very well
on graph theory, which displays a nice symmetry.
<p><em>79 Nov 30:</em>
I guess what I was saying over here is partially nonsense.
<h2>Mark Eisner</h2>
<p><em>75 Feb 27:</em>
The second term vanishes, just as it has been doing all afternoon.
<p><em>75 Mar 06:</em>
What I want to emphasize here is that it doesn't...what
<em>do</em> I want to emphasize here?
<p><em>75 Mar 20:</em>
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, of course, that means -- uh, no ...
<p><em>75 Apr 10:</em>
\&... which is a contradiction just in the nick of time.
<p><em>75 Apr 10:</em>
Was it a parody of my lecture, or is my lecture a parody of itself?
<p><em>75 Apr 22:</em>
Let's ride a little roughshod over the technicalities.
<h2>Ray Fulkerson</h2>
<p><em>75 Sep 18:</em>
Counterexamples are always better than proofs.
<p><em>75 Nov 13:</em>
We now use the Edmonds algorithm, which you don't know and I have forgotten.
<p><em>75 Dec 02:</em>
That may sound like a tautology, but it sure as hell isn't.
<h2>John Muckstadt</h2>
<p><em>77 Mar 07:</em>
@ ( mu sub 1 + lambda ) p sub 1 @ is equal to a new piece of chalk.
<h2>George Nemhauser</h2>
<p><em>74 Sep 16:</em>
I haven't actually stated a theorem, but let's just concentrate
on what we're trying to prove.
<p><em>74 Oct 21:</em>
There's a very explicit statement in the text -- here I'm just
trying to confuse you...
<h2>Lee Schruben</h2>
<p><em>78 Nov 29:</em>
Is there anybody who's confused -- who shouldn't be?
<p><em>80 Apr 14:</em>
I don't remember this stuff; I have it written down.
<h2>Murad Taqqu</h2>
<p><em>74 Feb 20:</em>
What I want to compute is my posterior -- well, that's a funny
way of saying it, but anyway...
<p><em>74 Feb 20:</em>
You see, it's much better not to use indices after a while,
because if you use indices you get confused, while if you
think a little you know what you're doing.
<p><em>75 Feb 13:</em>
The loss is infinite if you get knocked out, bankrupted, or die.
<p><em>75 Apr 15:</em>
I'm just going to reason heuristically, because heuristic
reasoning always gives you the right thing in the first place.
<h2>Les Trotter</h2>
<p><em>76 Jan 28:</em>
This sounds like hocus pocus.  It is.
<p><em>76 Feb 27:</em>
There aren't any A's or B's in it, except for the A and B that's there.
<h2>Albert Tucker</h2>
<p><em>75 Apr 24:</em>
(On Gauss:)
He made his early reputation as a computer.
<h2>Jacob Zahavi</h2>
<p><em>75 Dec 05:</em>
(Addressing an Oriental student whose name he had forgotten:)
Yes, Mr. uh, uh, -- yes, Mr. Hong Kong?
<h1>Electrical Engineering</h1>
<h2>Hwa Torng</h2>
<p><em>78 Oct 04:</em>
I don't think this is misleading.
If any mathematician wants to find fault, tough.
<p><em>80 Mar 24:</em>
They are two different things, but they are two different
things of the same thing.
<h2>Norman Vrana</h2>
<p><em>76 Jan 30:</em>
That's correct.  On the other hand, it could be incorrect.
<h1>1979 Messenger Lecture</h1>
<h2>Marvin Minsky</h2>
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
I cannot talk and write at the same time.
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
I usually use notes to remember what not to say.
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
It wasn't necessary for me to finish because you knew that
the end of it was going to be about the end of it.
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
There's lots of ways of getting this information, if you're actually alive.
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
What's the relation between how I think and how I think I think?
<p><em>79 Apr 10:</em>
You've heard these jokes about getting a doctorate for
studying the use of semicolons.  We're in that business.
<p><em>79 Apr 11:</em>
``Is'' is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
<p><em>79 Apr 11:</em>
You can only understand a complicated thing by starting with a dumbell theory.
<h1>Invited Seminar Speakers</h1>
<h2>Ed Ashcroft</h2>
<p><em>75 Oct 13:</em>
You might wonder, am I actually talking about anything?
<h2>John Backus</h2>
<p><em>77 Dec 01:</em>
You write a program and diddle it all in the same language.
<h2>Edsger W. Dijkstra</h2>
<p><em>80 Jan 15:</em>
Dijkstra: The Hopcroft-Tarjan algorithm on planarity -- was that ever executed?

Hopcroft: Yes, it was.

Dijkstra: Was that necessary?

Hopcroft: Yes, to get the bugs out of the algorithm.
<p><em>80 Jan 15:</em>
It's good to write a program occassionally ... as long as you don't run them.
<p><em>80 Jan 15:</em>
The major problem with many articles is not that they are wrong,
but that they are ugly.
<h2>Allan George</h2>
<p><em>80 Oct 30:</em>
The state of Florida tends to be very ill-conditioned for some reason.
<h2>Susan Gerhart</h2>
<p><em>76 Jan 29:</em>
We can prove these are valid...I hope we can prove them all
valid...I hope they're all valid.
<h2>Chris Goad</h2>
<p><em>81 Apr 16:</em>
It's a little odd for me to use the word ``proof'' here, because it doesn't
really serve to convince you of anything.
<h2>John Guttag</h2>
<p><em>77 Nov 10:</em>
Algebraic specifications are good.
If I were Edsger Dijkstra, perhaps I would say they are great.
<p><em>77 Nov 10:</em>
Teitelbaum: What are the prospects for an optimizer?

Guttag: I'm not at all optimistic.
<h2>Michael Harrison</h2>
<p><em>76 Sep 22:</em>
You don't need this there, I just put it in for the special
case where it happens to work.
<h2>Harlan Mills</h2>
<p><em>77 Apr 21:</em>
I am a finite man.
<h2>Sue Owicki</h2>
<p><em>79 Nov 08:</em>
We are abstracting from all that is interesting.
<h2>John Reynolds</h2>
<p><em>78 Apr 20:</em>
That is as far as I can go in general waffling.
<h2>William Waite</h2>
<p><em>77 Mar 24:</em>
\&... mungy, grungy, and unstructured.
<h2>J. H. Wilkinson</h2>
<p><em>82 Apr 08:</em>
I always felt it was a pity that computers <em>made</em>
rounding errors.
<h2>Andrew Yao</h2>
<p><em>77 Oct 13:</em>
I'll show you in a minute why this is a very stupid result.
<h2>John Zahorjan</h2>
<p><em>80 Mar 13:</em>
It's hard to draw conclusions from only two examples, so I did a third.
<p><em>80 Mar 13:</em>
Another enormous example limited by the number of
balloons you can fit on a slide.
<h1>Computer Science Graduate Students</h1>
<h2>Stuart Allen</h2>
<p><em>80 Oct 07:</em>
As long as we're splitting hairs, there are better hairs to split.
<h2>Bowen Alpern</h2>
<p><em>80 Aug 06:</em>
Constructive logic is Trotskyist mathematics.
<p><em>80 Sep 29:</em>
Student1: Where do I get the PRL handouts?

Student2: Talk to Joe Bates. It's his PRL.

Alpern: Does that make the rest of us swine?
<p><em>80 Oct 08:</em>
All philosophers die while thinking.
<p><em>82 Feb 26:</em>
Contractions are guaranteed to be cycle preserving under explosion,
whatever that means.
<h2>Jim Archer</h2>
<p><em>78 Feb 23:</em>
Aesthetics isn't one of my better suits.
<h2>Barry Bakalor</h2>
<p><em>78 Sep 25:</em>
There seem to be no computer science grad students taking CS 100,
for some reason.
<p><em>77 Sep 20:</em>
I would guess infinity falls somewhere between 4 and 8.
<h2>Joe Bates</h2>
<p><em>78 Oct 26:</em>
If you don't know what it's supposed to do, you can't tell
whether or not it does it.
<p><em>78 Oct 26:</em>
You say ``Go!'', and it goes ``Boom!'', and writes you a program.
<h2>Hans Boehm</h2>
<p><em>81 Mar 03:</em>
There must be one on my desk somewhere.
There's one of everything else on my desk.
<h2>Sandy Coe</h2>
<p><em>78 Oct 31:</em>
For those of us who were little lost sheep, we just stuck
with Constable, our little lost shepherd.
<h2>Richard Cole</h2>
<p><em>82 Jul 29:</em>
Professor: You mean that graph doesn't exist?

Cole: That's right, and now I'm going to draw it.
<h2>Pavel Curtis</h2>
<p><em>82 Apr 11:</em>
(On the London Bridge:) It just doesn't look the same when you can see it.
<h2>Bill Fischofer</h2>
<p><em>78 Sep 26:</em>
1 is a generally happy number.  It doesn't care what you do with it.
<p><em>79 Apr 29:</em>
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
<h2>Merrick Furst</h2>
<p><em>79 Oct 12:</em>
Student: Where's Hopcroft?

Furst: Aren't I Hopcroft?
<h2>Alan Gaulle</h2>
<p><em>74 Feb 29:</em>
No one seems to have noticed that P @ != @ NP follows immediately from
Cook's theorem.
<h2>Sandor Halaasz</h2>
<p><em>77 Jan 24:</em>
My feeling is that Salton is beginning to drip into the fire.
<h2>Mike Hammond</h2>
<p><em>82 Mar 31:</em>
Secretary:  Mike, did you do something on the paper?

Mike:  Not recently.
<h2>Bob Harper</h2>
<p><em>82 May 24:</em>
I have work to do this summer; I can't spend my time conquering the world!
<h2>Jim Hook</h2>
<p><em>81 Nov 19:</em>
November times December is bottom.
<p><em>82 Mar 22:</em>
I get years and weeks confused these days.
<h2>Neil Immerman</h2>
<p><em>80 Oct 12:</em>
Time and space are not just engineering problems.
<h2>Dean Jacobs</h2>
<p><em>80 Nov 03:</em>
(Commenting on Bowen's usefulness:) <em>Certainly</em> not the ties.
<h2>Ralph Johnson</h2>
<p><em>79 Mar 01:</em>
If the program works you probably don't care.
<p><em>79 Mar 01:</em>
This is a language for hackers -- I mean, it's a
really neat language for hackers.
<p><em>79 Mar 01:</em>
A good hacker's language is one in which you can do things
the writer of the language never intended.
<p><em>79 Mar 21:</em>
For many other people their lack of knowledge is much more obvious.
<h2>Scott Johnson</h2>
<p><em>78 Apr 01:</em>
You know, I'll bet arrays of procedures are a lot
less efficient than a case statement.
<p><em>78 Jun 24:</em>
Maybe it's only as bad as it is, and not worse than it is.
<p><em>80 Jan 31:</em>
If none of the faculty show up, this talk is going to be about Stellar Conquest.
<p><em>80 Jan 31:</em>
I don't really care about the asymptotic running time of the algorithm;
what I care about is how many blips it takes.
<h2>Jim Kadin</h2>
<p><em>82 Mar 01:</em>
Kadin: I've made a monster.

Hartmanis: You've made a monster before.
<h2>Mark Krentel</h2>
<p><em>81 Jan 20:</em>
A B-tree is a 2-3 tree, for large values of 2 and 3.
<h2>Sue Manning </h2>
<p><em>81 Nov 19:</em>
I can't <em>afford</em> to have a good educational experience this summer!
<h2>Hal Perkins</h2>
<p><em>78 Mar 16:</em>
It's just a small group of people instead of the Chinese
army, and it works wonders.
<p><em>78 Mar 16:</em>
This is where the little lines started to drive me crazy last night.
<h2>Ken Perry </h2>
<p><em>81 Nov 04:</em>
A Liberal is a Conservative without money.
<p><em>81 Nov 04:</em>
Don't shoot, I'm a Conservative.
<h2>Rich Reitman</h2>
<p><em>77 Mar 09:</em>
What!? I'll give you a chance to retract that statement.
<h2>Jeff Savit</h2>
<p><em>78 May 16:</em>
They use lotsa stuff from 712, which I haven't gotten to yet,
but I saw lotsa bottoms in there.
<h2>Morrie Siegel</h2>
<p><em>77 Apr 20:</em>
I think this is no worse than writing a LISP interpreter in LISP.
<p><em>77 Sep 29:</em>
And even LISP is nothing like SNOBOL.
<p><em>77 Sep 29:</em>
Actually, it's very difficult to explain this in ten words or less.
<h2>Ryan Stansifer</h2>
<p><em>81 Jan 20:</em>
(On the A-exams:) That's the only thing that consoles me.
They can't possibly ask everything I don't know.
<h2>Ellen Voorhees</h2>
<p><em>81 Jan 21:</em>
But false <em>is</em> provable constructively...No, it's not!!
<h2>Dave Wright</h2>
<p><em>81 Mar 09:</em>
I never worry about implementation.
<p><em>81 Mar 09:</em>
Even IBM has built one, so it must be true.
<h2>Rick Schlichting</h2>
<p><em>80 Feb 08:</em>
My goal in life is to <em>not</em> get into Upson's Familiar Quotations.