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(After using both `adr' and `addr' to abbreviate `address':)
``d''s are idempotent.
<p><em>80 Apr 16:</em>
People who generate self-modifying code are in a state of mortal sin.
<p><em>80 Aug 06:</em>
In the back of my mind is an LSI-11.
<p><em>80 Nov 17:</em>
You can't lose tenure. You can't get it either.
<p><em>80 Nov 24:</em>
Bliss is frightening.
<p><em>81 Sep 25:</em>
``I'm not married but I have a medical excuse.''
<p><em>81 Oct 14:</em>
Gee, bottoms are getting bigger and bigger...
<p><em>82 Jan 30:</em>
I'm explaining this as though it were a well-known technique, but in fact
I just invented it.
<p><em>82 Feb 03:</em>
It would be a tremendous help if I could talk and write at the same time.
<p><em>82 Feb 03:</em>
There exists an alpha such that ... God!
<p><em>82 Feb 03:</em>
We are just about at the end, so I can bullshit now.
<p><em>82 Feb 15:</em>
I'm not Bob Constable up here, I'm perfectly willing to consider functions
as ordered pairs.
<p><em>82 Feb 24:</em>
Can I erase this board? Obviously - I've just done it.
<p><em>82 Mar 03:</em>
Demers: I <em>don't</em> say `gack' in lecture all the time!

Student: Yes you do, and `sigh.'

Demers: Oh, I do?  Sigh...
<p><em>82 Mar 24:</em>
This language also has garbage commands -- that is guarded commands...Oh no! I 
didn't say that.
<h2>John Dennis</h2>
<p><em>74 Mar 27:</em>
Chebyshev, I'm sure, wouldn't do something false.
<p><em>74 Apr 01:</em>
(On teaching induction to freshmen:)
One year, one of the bachelor professors got a girl
to understand it, and he married her.
<p><em>74 Apr 03:</em>
(On the Remes algorithm:)  I'm not sure if it's gonna be a math
lecture or a religious experience.
<p><em>74 Apr 03:</em>
I'm gonna say this -- I hope it's true.
<p><em>74 Apr 19:</em>
\&... sequences that go off to hell in a wheelbarrow.
<p><em>74 Apr 29:</em>
If that were clear, then I'd be very offended.
<p><em>74 May 03:</em>
I guess I'm kind of a numerical analytic Eichmann.
If the guy says ``fit it with a line,'' I'll fit it with a line.
<p><em>74 Sep 30:</em>
I'm just gonna, as my old Texas analysis teacher used to say,
jump on it and ride it till it falls.
<p><em>74 Dec 02:</em>
Suppose that God or someone high up in government told me ...
<h2>Jim Donahue</h2>
<p><em>77 Feb 02:</em>
The proof took five blackboards, so the method is worthless.
<p><em>77 Feb 14:</em>
I can fill up blackboards in a great hurry.
If you can fill up blackboards very quickly, then it must be interesting.
<p><em>77 Feb 16:</em>
Eventually we'll do more than just push bottoms around.
<p><em>77 Mar 14:</em>
This is sort of denotational bootcamp.
<p><em>77 Mar 16:</em>
After a while, if your mind gets warped enough, you tend to think
in these terms.
<p><em>78 Sep 28:</em>
Take a type -- now I'm real dumb in doing this ...
<p><em>79 Jan 23:</em>
Why are we doing this?  Because there are some neat theorems to
be proved at the end of this course.
<p><em>79 Jan 25:</em>
You really wouldn't want to work out the successor of 25.
<p><em>79 Feb 01:</em>
I don't have a copy of this.  I've never even read it, but
it gets referenced a lot.
<p><em>79 Feb 06:</em>
Why am I using complete lattices?  Well, it's what I was brought up on.
<p><em>79 Feb 08:</em>
It turns out that restricting yourself to continuous functions is
no great act of heroism.
<p><em>79 Feb 27:</em>
I'll call this phi and psi again just to be confusing.
<p><em>79 Feb 27:</em>
You can easily show that any space you can imagine is buried
within D-infinity somewhere.
<p><em>79 Mar 01:</em>
There are infinitely many bottoms around.
<p><em>79 Mar 01:</em>
This is probably the most influential paper in semantics that's never
been published.
<p><em>79 Mar 06:</em>
(On ``Admissibility of Fixed Point Inductions in First Order
Logic of Typed Theories,'' by S. Igarashi:)
This report is about as impenetrable as its title.
<p><em>79 Mar 13:</em>
By the time you read the details, you should either be completely
lost, or completely understand what is going on.
<p><em>79 Mar 13:</em>
We haven't said anything and we've said everything.
<p><em>79 Mar 13:</em>
Well, I'm not going to talk about string quartets today.
<p><em>79 Mar 27:</em>
He probably wanted to get to the point where he could define PL/I
on one side of a 3x5 card.
<p><em>79 Apr 17:</em>
I would like to say we've proven such a theorem for Russell, but
Alan's been awfully slow about it.
<p><em>79 Apr 24:</em>
It's got plus and times and all that other neat stuff.
<p><em>79 May 03:</em>
If you spend a lot of time building up the mathematics of the
model, by the time you're done, you're tired.
<p><em>79 Oct 09:</em>
A terminal node is not one that is about to die.
<p><em>79 Oct 09:</em>
Its predecessor is somewhere off in the great beyond. 
<p><em>81 Mar 02:</em>
Gads, this is ugly.
<h2>Diane Duke</h2>
<p><em>78 Mar 01:</em>
The water's being shut off in an hour, so you'd better go now,
or forever hold your, uh, piece.
<p><em>78 Dec 13:</em>
We're trying very hard to make sure that this Christmas
tree isn't anti-semantic.
<p><em>81 May 21:</em>
(Referring to the fact that Becky and Geri had just finished their
exams in CS100 and 101)
All the little testies are now overies.
<p><em>81 May 21:</em>
Every time Michelle gets drunk I have to wash her pants.
<p><em>81 May 21:</em>
Michelle, get your hands off me!
<p><em>81 Aug 23:</em>
Michelle, aren't your pants off yet?
<p><em>81 Nov 13:</em>
(After reading the review of Yeoman:)  I hope she [the reviewer]
never tries to take any CS courses.
<h2>John Gilbert</h2>
<p><em>81 May 21:</em>
Becky: Can you guarantee I'll get a B minus?

Gilbert: What kind of an arrangement did you have in mind?
<h2>David Gries</h2>
<p><em>76 Sep 23:</em>
(To Salton:)
Gerry, when was the last time you wrote a program?
<p><em>76 Sep 30:</em>
Hopefully -- I'm David Gries from Cornell.
<p><em>76 Oct 07:</em>
Conway: Half a proof might be very long but not very helpful.

Gries: Yes, and a whole proof might be wrong.
<p><em>77 Mar 31:</em>
Yes.  No.  Not really.  Probably there is, but I'd have to think about it.
<p><em>77 Nov 03:</em>
Gries: Could you explain where the term ``modal'' comes from?

Constable: No.

Gries: Thank you.
<p><em>78 Mar 03:</em>
(To first-year students:)  The only reason we're here and you're
there is that we're older than you.
<p><em>78 Oct 17:</em>
Student: In the recursive Towers of Hanoi program, how do you
prove that you never put a disk on a smaller disk?

Gries: You prove it by recursion.

Student: You prove it by recursion?

Gries: Sure, you just say, ``By recursion.''
<p><em>79 Mar 26:</em>
Student: Could you lower the blinds, please?

Gries: Are you sure it's not my brilliance that's blinding you?
<p><em>79 Apr 25:</em>
Gries: ... ``dereferencing'' and ``ref-referencing''? ... ``anti-dereferencing''? ...

Student: How about ``referencing''?

Gries: That's too simple.
<p><em>79 Sep 06:</em>
(writing on the board) If I can't read it, tell me.
<p><em>81 Feb 26:</em>
Schneider:  Which DeWitt are we talking about?

Gries:  I thought I was DeWitt around here.
<p><em>81 Jun 01:</em>
<em>Research Summary 1980-81</em>
.ad

Well, I didn't get much done this year.
I tried, but I wasn't too successful.
Something always kept me from
making the significant, creative advances I wanted to make.
Maybe next year will be better, but this year was a washout.

I don't mean to offer these as excuses, but here are some of the things that
interrupted my thinking and kept all those neat ideas from springing out
of me (I know they're in me, somewhere).
I was in charge of the United Way fund for our department.
Three cases of sexual harassment (going both ways) were handled by me in
my position as graduate field rep.
One student hurt his head and was in the hospital for a week at Christmas time.
<em>Somebody</em> had to look after him, so I visited him and read comics to
him every day.
Because I don't really have any opinions of my own, and can therefore be called
neutral, I was called on to mediate in the usual political fights between
faculty members, which we all know are ruining our department.
The heat didn't work and the bathroom stunk and the traffic bureau wanted to
revoke our VP sticker and a student's dog bit another student and
an M.Eng. student failed the colloquium course and one student ate five
doughnuts before one colloquium and we went 1 student over our quota
and a student's lunch was stolen from the refrigerator.
Each of these called for a careful 2-page letter.
These are only a few of the incidents that I took care of.

I did write and prove correct a 20-line program in January, but I made
the mistake of testing it on our VAX and it had an error, which two
weeks of searching didn't uncover, so there went one publication out the
window.
I guess I could have slipped it into IPL anyway, since I'm an editor for it,
but, since I have tenure already, I didn't feel right in doing that.

I did work on the four-color problem.
The work at Illinois had convinced me that you didn't have to
prove your programs correct to publish in math journals -- the
messier the program, the more likelihood of acceptance.
But, after a week, I had to draw maps with
four colors and the secretaries were out of the non-permanent colored
transparency pens and I lost interest.

Every once in a while I would try to get something done at home, but
that, too, was a bomb.
My Terak would act up, so I couldn't write, and my pen was broken.
I was assistant to the assistant coach in both baseball and soccer
for my son's team (that's the only way we could get him to play regularly),
so I had to spend a lot of time at Cass Park.
Then there was boy scouts and those awful camping trips in the rain, which
would lay me up in bed for weeks at a time with fever and runny nose.
<em>Something</em> always arose to stop me from working at home.
To top it off, one evening two weeks ago, I was working hard at home
trying to be creative so I would have something to say in this damn report,
when a neighbor's dog ate the last of our guinea pigs, and
that began a crisis that lasted for 3 days and ruined the few thoughts
I had.

Well, so much for the research summary.
Maybe next year will be better.
.na

<em>References</em>

[1]\ Ithacating. Ithaca Journal Limerick Contest, April 1981.
(Finalist)
<h2>Shih-Ping Han</h2>
<p><em>75 Sep 22:</em>
Worst cases very rarely happen.
<p><em>75 Nov 17:</em>
The numerical methods can always produce a number,
but if the problem has no solution, the number will be meaningless.
<p><em>76 Feb 25:</em>
Safety is better than the wrong answer.
<p><em>76 May 05:</em>
He just found this matrix -- like it fell from the sky.
<h2>Juris Hartmanis</h2>
<p><em>74 Apr 19:</em>
Student: What are you trying to prove?

Hartmanis: I don't know, I never know when I start.
<p><em>74 Sep 02:</em>
Clearly Turing machines, obviously.
<p><em>74 Sep 02:</em>
I have good news and I have bad news.  The good news is that I am not Hopcroft.
The bad news is that Hopcroft will be back.
<p><em>75 May 02:</em>
A polynomial is a goddamn big function.
<p><em>75 May 02:</em>
But that's irrelevant -- I'm just stalling for time.
<p><em>75 May 02:</em>
You can do brutal things in polynomial time.
<p><em>75 Sep 10:</em>
Finite means you can stuff it in a box.
<p><em>75 Sep 22:</em>
As long as I talk fast, wave arms vigorously, I'm going to be in good shape.
<p><em>75 Sep 22:</em>
It's easy with arrows.  But if you write ``iff'' I never know if
I've proved the if or the only if.
<p><em>75 Sep 24:</em>
I even put on a necktie today not to make any mistakes.
<p><em>75 Sep 24:</em>
This is known, as of today, as the ``Sticky Fingers Louie'' method.
<p><em>75 Oct 06:</em>
This may look to you like my chalk is faster than your eye.
<p><em>75 Oct 10:</em>
Oh, I goofed -- no, I didn't  -- yes, I didn't.
<p><em>75 Oct 29:</em>
It just brutally stuffs it in the stack.
<p><em>75 Nov 19:</em>
I choose r so fat and big that one won't make any difference.
<p><em>75 Nov 21:</em>
Hopcroft would tell you that this is divide and conquer.
To me, that seems like lots of fingers.
<p><em>75 Nov 24:</em>
(On the date of the final exam:)
Why don't I tell you it's on Wednesday, and on Wednesday tell you I lied.
<p><em>75 Nov 24:</em>
Any comedian who tried to get away with the jokes I'm
telling would get booed off the stage.
People like me should not be flattered by my apparent wit.
<p><em>76 Mar 13:</em>
It's a very cheap trick -- which works.
<p><em>76 Oct 14:</em>
(To a seminar speaker who, unlike himself, spoke with an accent:)
Will the rest of the talk be in English?
<p><em>77 Feb 09:</em>
Student: Can you go over that again?

Hartmanis: I hope it's still true.
<p><em>77 Mar 04:</em>
I could have chosen another proof, but I don't know any other proof.
<p><em>77 Oct 13:</em>
Gerry Salton is going to come back and he's going to ask me what I learned.
<p><em>79 Nov 05:</em>
Formalize all the hell out of Mathematics.
<p><em>79 Nov 07:</em>
I can write quintuples at high speed.
<p><em>79 Nov 09:</em>
I really can't do it, but I'll do it.
<p><em>79 Nov 12:</em>
Assume you talk Algol-68 for all I care.
<p><em>79 Nov 12:</em>
Assume you behave like a programmer should, and
don't believe in Turing Machines.
<p><em>79 Nov 14:</em>
COBOL and APL - one language which I never learned, the other
which I refused to
learn for the fifth time.
<p><em>79 Nov 14:</em>
Give me just a few seconds of ambiguity.
<p><em>79 Nov 14:</em>
(About himself, getting mixed up in a proof:) Watch a man squirm.
<p><em>79 Nov 14:</em>