http:^^www.cs.washington.edu^homes^bam^phoenix^phoenix.html

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Date: Tue, 10 Dec 1996 21:21:06 GMTServer: NCSA/1.4.2Content-type: text/htmlLast-modified: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 10:38:00 GMTContent-length: 2678<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>Don't be afraid now.  Just walk on in.</TITLE></HEAD><BODY BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#FF0000" LINK="#BB008B"VLINK="#880088" ALINK="#FFFFFF"><table width=100% border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0><tr valign=top><td><IMG WIDTH=60 ALIGN=LEFT SRC="../pix/flame.gif"></td><td><center><IMG SRC="../pix/phoenix.gif"></center></td><td><IMG WIDTH=60 ALIGN=RIGHT SRC="../pix/flame.gif"></td></table><H1 ALIGN=CENTER>Phoenix Fire</H1>I can't say who Phoenix Fire really is, except that the relationshipbetween him and me is almost exactly analogous to the relationshipbetween Phaedrus and the narrator of Robert Pirsig's <b><i>Zen and theArt of Motorcycle Maintenance</i></b>.  Phoenix Fire is partially adifferent personality, partially a facet of the personality I have,and partially a form of me that I've outgrown.  He was me when I wasgoing through the worst and most important period of my life, when Ifirst started noticing something was wrong with my life and tore itapart layer by layer so I could find the damage and rebuild everythingfrom scratch.  That time is largely over, but he still lives on insome forms, appearing whenever I'm dissatisfied with my surroundingsand feel that I'm not being true to myself.<P>   The name comes from a song I wrote in response to a friend whodidn't understand what it felt like to be in love.  The bestexplanation I could provide was that it was like being addicted tosong that moved you, a song that you couldn't stop thinking about andwhich changed your outlook on the world.  I wrote my song to describeboth states of euphoria, romantic and musical, but it ended upconcentrating more on the inevitable fading of the euphoria than onthe euphoria itself.  While the phoenix's rebirth was important, thephoenix's inexorable return to ashes was most relevant part of thecycle.  Needless to say, Phoenix Fire does not have a cheerful outlookon life or what it does to people.<P>The song's guitar part was one of my best and the lyrics weremediocre, but the most important thing about the song was that theconcept had expanded to include a whole personality of mine.  "PhoenixFire" is the truest name I have.<hr><H2 ALIGN=CENTER>The Wall of Words</H2>   One of the things that helped me most when I was going through thisperiod of self-examination was my Wall of Words, a whole wall Icovered with art paper and wrote, scribbled, and drew on.  I had a 8'by 16' snapshot of my life.  Here are the <AHREF="quotes.html">quotes</A> from that creation, and here are the <AHREF="poemsong.html">poems and songs</A>.  This is the best way ofseeing who I used to be.</BODY></HTML>

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