📄 thezenofpg.txt
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The Zen of Programming by Geoffrey James, 1988.
(II, 9)
A corporate executive came to visit the development center. Like a general reviewing his troops, he walked the long corridors, stopping here and there to talk with the people that he met. Eventually, he wandered into the office of a programmer, who as it happened was deep in concentration, debugging the operating system.
The executive glanced about the room and noticed a statue of a pig that was perched upon the programmers terminal. "I have always been fascinated by the curios and mementos that programmers collect, "said the executive, "they always seem to have some interesting tale behind them. For example, what is the meaning of that sculpture there?" He pointed at the statue.
The programmer looked up from his terminal, blinked, and then stared at the statue as if he were seeing it for the first time. "It's a pig," he said.
(III, 2)
The greatest mistake made in Computer/Human interface is the denial of the computer. Systems that are backfitted to previous conceptions of the universe are always limited by what has gone before. Computers should not simulate reality - they should transcend it.
(III, 4)
Never make a technical decision based upon the politics of the situation. Never make a political decision based upon technical issues. The only place where these realms meet is in the minds of the unenlightened.
(III, 7)
This is the meaning of the famous parable about Master Ninjei - he could not teach the secret of leadership because his would-be students believed too strongly in the myth of their own power. When an organization is led well, the employees do not even know that they are being led. When the project is finished, they say to themselves: "look at what we have accomplished by our own efforts!"
(III, 8)
The worth of a program cannot be judged by the size of its brochures or by the number of full page adds that appear in popular computer magazines. The louder the noise, the less likely it is that the program will be useful. Truly excellent programs need no advertising; word of mouth is sufficient.
(IV, 2)
Thus spake the master: "Any program no matter how small, contains bugs."
The novice did not believe the masters words. "What if the program were so small that it performed but a single function?" he asked.
"Such a program would have no meaning," said the master, "but if such a one existed, the operating system would fail eventually, producing a bug."
But the novice was not satisfied. "What if the operating system did not fail?" he asked.
"There is no operating system that does not fail," said the master, "but if such a one existed, the hardware would fail eventually, producing a bug."
The novice was still not satisfied. "What if the hardware did not fail?" he asked.
The master gave a great sigh. "There is no hardware that does not fail," he said, "but if such a one existed the user would want the program to do something different, and this too is a bug.
A program without bugs would be an absurdity, a nonesuch. If there were a program without any bugs the world would cease to exist."
(IV, 3)
There are legends to the effect that the Ivory Tower was manned by a legion of fanatical devotees who were persuaded to commit software piracy, murder, and various unethical acts in return for machine time on a Cray-2.
(V, 2)
I programmed three days
And heard no human voices
But the hard disk sang.
(V, 5)
I programmed all night.
Through the window, on my screen,
The rising sun shined.
(V, 9)
The computer center is empty,
Silent except for the whine of the cooling fans.
I walk the rows of CPUs,
My skin prickling with magnetic flux.
I open a door, cold and hard,
And watch the lights dancing on the panels.
A machine without soul, men call it,
But its soul is the sweat of my comrades,
Within it lie the years of our lives,
Disappointment, friendship, sadness, joy,
The algorithmic exaltations,
The long nights filled with thankless toil,
I hear the echoes of sighs and laughter,
And in the darkened offices
The terminals shine like stars.
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