funnies.html

关于ARM汇编的非常好的教程

<dl>
  <dd> Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in <b>ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE</b>:<br>
       For those who like to load their own rounds before shooting themselves in the foot.
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> Look at it this way: MSDOS is an overgrown program loader; the MacOS is an overgrown user
       interface. Neither is an operating system, but the second is better for running
       applications.<br>
       <tt>Paul Placeway</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> My computer can beat up your computer.<br>
       <tt>Karl Lehenbauer</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> On a clear disk you can seek forever.
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> <b>PROGRAMMER</b>: (n) Red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
       objects.
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is
       lousy programmers.<br>
       <tt>Larry Niven</tt> and <tt>Jerry Pournelle</tt> in &quot;<i>Oath of Fealty</i>&quot;
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.<br>
       <tt>Blaise Pascal</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it.<br>
       <tt>Brian Kernighan</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a
       date, but never give 'em both at once.
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> There are bugs and then there are bugs. <i>And then there are bugs.</i><br>
       <tt>Karl Lehenbauer</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things, because that policy
       would also keep them from doing clever things.<br>
       <tt>Doug Gwyn</tt> (1st August 1990)
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<dl>
  <dd> Weekends were made for programming.<br>
       <tt>Karl Lehenbauer</tt>
</dl>
<p>&nbsp;<p>&nbsp;<p>


<h2>Quotable Rick...</h2>

<ul>
  <li> Exercise caution in your programming; for the OS is full of weirdness<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Pre-emptive multitasking<br>
       Seen as the cure to all the world's ills by many advocates<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Now, I can be involved in a serious RTA and also a fire [...] but I kinda figure in that
       case, my data would probably be immaterial!<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Maybe I'm totally mad<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> unfortunately secrets aren't made so I can tell them!<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Programming is challenging, fun, not too good for your social life. The same could be
       said of a few bottles of Vodka, however programming is certainly likely to make your
       electronic life easier afterwards. That cannot be said of Vodka.<br>
       <i>(here, in the assembler programming area)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> <u>Rick</u><br>
       Well, we can either spend yet another day tracking down that damned redraw problem, or we
       could simply rip out the CD-ROM drive, fill the hole with semtex, blow the machine (and
       everything nearby) to smithereens, and pretend that we're sheep farmers and have never
       used a computer.<br>
       <u>Friend</u><br>
       Foot and mouth?<br>
       <u>Rick</u><br>
       Well, semtex is a bit severe for a sheep, but give those MAFF guys a while, they'll come
       around...<br>
       <i>(phone call with a friend)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> I wrote a program to emulate windows earlier. It runs as a background task, all it does
       is seek the first and last sectors of every partition found. Shit, I gotta get me a life!
       <br><i>(phone call with a friend)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> You know life sucks when you figure sticking the power connector in your mouth and
       drooling in it as being a positive way to pass the time.<br>
       <i>(introduction line to one of my short stories)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> You think it is possible to hot-swap the processor?<br>
       <i>(asked in class; nobody knew what hot-swapping was (lusers!))</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Well, shit, if I'd have been using a PC this would have worked. Okay, it'd have BSODed on
       me and required three reboots and taken eight times longer and used forty million bytes
       of memory, but it would have worked.<br>
       <i>(phone call with a friend, while trying to data-intercept)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> If nmap figures Windows is 'trivial joke', where does that put DOS?<br>
       <i>(email to a friend)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Got another damn AOL CD-ROM today. <i>Straaaaight</i> into the microwave, max nuke, two
       seconds. Consider me satiated.<br>
       <i>(phone call with a friend)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Why bother to salvage parts from obsolete circuitboards when you can have much more fun
       with a hammer and an axe. Say, d'you think I've got unresolved issues?<br>
       <i>(phone call with a friend)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Who put the <i>toss</i> in tes<i>tos</i>terone?<br>
       <i>(ewww! but a joke I made up entirely on my own, whooo-eee!)</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> So all in all, when all is said and done, at the and of the day, it was about as wrong as
       a very wrong thing; which I hope is not indicative of the entire situation.<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager, clich&eacute; overload! [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Why did it estimate 17 days? I blame excessive consuption of cherry brandy.<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager about on of my programs going awry
       [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> <code>&gt; Alright! Alright! I'll never, ever use full-sized images as thumbnails.<br>
       &gt; I swear. You've made your point, guys.<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       &lt;raises finger in the air and wiggles it&gt;<br>
       One convert.<br>
       Who said violence didn't work?<br>
       :-)<br>
       </code>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> <code>Talking of which, I was eating a &quot;hot'n'spicy&quot; noodles last night. It was so<br>
       hot it made my eyes water. Seriously, I've eaten cooler mexican food classed<br>
       as &quot;hot&quot;.<br>
       But I persisted because I was hungry. <br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       By the end, I was shovelling the stuff in (don't even try to picture it) and<br>
       my mouth felt like it was on fire, but I was thoroughly enjoying it. Pain.<br>
       Nice.<br>
       I like food that &quot;bites&quot;. Sick of bland tasteless rubbish.<br>
       </code>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager; talking about memory and getting kinda
       sidetracked! [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> <code>&gt; When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will have freedom! :-)<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       A fact that many politicians forget whilst they are masturbating over their<br>
       latest knee-jerk regulation.<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       (there is plenty of innuendo in there, read it twice just to be sure...)
       </code><br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager; that's the entire message! [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> <pre>Which reminds me...

&lt;advert&gt;
And it can make YOU TOO look like a total ****wit. Installation is simple!
So easy a kid could do it. Or a moron with the mental age of a spermatazoa,
like most OE users.
All you need to do is follow the FIVE CLICK INSTALLATION PLAN!

  ONE! Insert the CD, close the caddy. Nothing to click.

  TWO! When the window appears, CLICK ANYWHERE. That's right, we figure you
  are such an imbecile that all the options do the SAME THING. This is
  something that we call &quot;user friendly&quot;.

  THREE! When the obligatory licence condition appears, click on the NEXT
  button. You won't want to read it, it contains several 'big words'.

  FOUR! When the &quot;Are you sure&quot; message appears, slit your wrists and sign
  your name on the monitor in blood to sell your soul the the devi... sorry,
  I mean MicroSoft.
   
  FIVE! When the little GO ONLINE widget appears, click it. You don't get 
  your telephone bill for another two months.

SEE HOW EASY IT IS!?
A TOTALLY MORONIC WASTE OF SPACE PIECE OF CRAP LIKE YOU CAN BE ONLINE IN
NNNNOOOO TIME!
Who needs AOL?

&lt;/advert&gt;


Gee, guess I'm annoyed at the four emails I received earlier, posted with
Outlook. I won't even consider telling you what's in them, except to say one
was a three line note about something I already had confirmed by fax and it
came as a 96K TIFF attachment!

God I *hate* the idiots that use OE before looking in the preferences; but
not as much as I hate the idiots who /did/ look in preferences and didn't
alter them...</pre><br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> There *are* two SSL modules available... A bootleg version which is about as stable as a
       coffee table with two legs missing, and the 0.97 'current' version which is okay in
       stability but is ten times the size of the plain ordinary HTTP fetcher.<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> For this, you will need a telephone, the number &quot;xxxx x95 596&quot;, the word
       &quot;xyzzy&quot;, one eye of newt...<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager, on getting Argo to add a newsgroup
       [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Which implies, to me, they've totally missed the point. I bet these people were Prestel
       weenies who spent around &pound;100 a month on-line trying to get a nice logo in the
       SAA5050 character set...<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager, on visual layout in pseudo-HTML in a mail
       reader [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> You mean 50mA? Even that is a bit on the &quot;fry and die&quot; side.<br>
       You can take tens of thousands of volts and survive. It's the current that matters.<br>
       Example ... ever hold onto a Van DeGraff generator in physics?<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager, on what it'd take to kill you [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Opinions are useful things, kinda like postal codes.<br>
       Everybody can supply them, and everybody else can ignore them. :-)<br>
       <i>(from a posting in comp.sys.acorn.apps [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> &gt; It is because Microsoft produces the finest computer programmes in the<br>
       &gt; world. This is fact.<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       Well, I'm not sure it is actually possible to argue with somebody so retarded as to
       actually /believe/ that...<br>
       <i>(from a posting in freeserve.help.acorn [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Ever had a blank refusal to accept an internal modem until you told the system that
       COM&lt;number&gt; exists? For it to then tell you that the hardware for COM&lt;number&gt;
       cannot be found, but a modem was detected?<br>
       <i>(from a posting in freeserve.help.acorn, following up the one quoted above
       [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> &gt; For <snip!> sake, get yourselves a PC.<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       I did. A P75, several years ago. It's okay, it works. It is very stable and it is running
       Windows 95.<br>
       Which reminds me, I'd better switch it on so the battery can get a charge.<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       [...snip...]
       &nbsp;<br>
       &gt; your neighbour is a witch<br>
       &nbsp;<br>
       Umm... Actually, she is. Gotta problem with that?<br>
       <i>(from a posting in comp.sys.acorn.advocacy, on how sucky Windows is [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> I'm not. It isn't nice. But f..k this and f..k that; it doesn't support your case much if
       you can't find the right f..king words to f..king express your f..king ideas, does it,
       f..kwit?<br>
       <i>(from a posting in comp.sys.acorn.advocacy, on not picking on some guy's spellings
       [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> The fact that a 1999 computer will run 1979 code natively is both a technical marvel, and
       extremely disturbing to the Karma.<br>
       <i>(from a posting in freeserve.help.acorn, re. the Pentium [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>


<ul>
  <li> Sod boycotting French stuff... Can we please rip out MicroSoft-infected harddiscs and
       smash the **** out of them with a large hammer? Or maybe place them inside an original HP
       LaserJet and slam the lid on them several times?<br>
       <i>(from a posting in argonet.acorn.voyager [Oct '99])</i>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;<p>

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<address>Copyright &copy; 2001 Richard Murray</address>
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