limerick

早期freebsd实现

	They used library paste,
Instead of petroleum jelly.
%
There once was a couple named Kelly
Who walked around belly-to-belly.
	It seems in their haste,
	They used Carter's paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
%
There once was a dentist named Stone
Who saw all his patients alone.
	In a fit of depravity
	He filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown!
%
There once was a Duchess of Beever
Who slept with her golden retriever.
	Said the potted old Duke :
	"Such tricks make me puke!
Were it not for her money, I'd leave her."
%
There once was a Duchess of Bruges
Whose cunt was incredibly huge.
	Said the king to this dame
	As he thunderously came:
"Mon Dieu!  Apres moi, le deluge!"
%
There once was a fag of Khartoom
Who spent the night in a Lesbians room.
	They argued all night,
	Over who had the right,
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
%
There once was a fairy named Avers
Who encircled his cock with lifesavers.
	Though buggers all claimed
	That their asses were maimed,
Sixy-niners all cheered the new flavors.
%
There once was a fellow named Bob
Who in sexual ways was a snob.
	One day he was swimmin'
	With twelve naked women
And deserted them all for a gob.
%
There once was a fellow named Brewster
Who said to his wife, as he goosed her,
	"It used to be grand
	But look at my hand
You're not wiping as clean as ya uster."
%
There once was a fellow named Howard,
Whose tool it was nuclear-powered,
	While grabbing some ass,
	He reached critical mass,
But think of the girl he deflowered!
%
There once was a fellow named Potts
Who was prone to having the trots
	But his humble abode
	Was without a commode
So his carpet was covered with spots.
%
There once was a fellow named Siegel
Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
	But the mettlesome bitch
	Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."
%
There once was a fellow named Sweeney
Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
	Not being uncouth,
	He added vermouth
And slipped his amour a martini.
%
There once was a fencer named Fisk,
Whose speed was incredibly brisk.
	So fast was his action,
	The Fitzgerald contraction,
Foreshortended his foil to a disk.
%
There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
	He'd yip and he'd yap,
	Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
%
There once was a floozie named Annie
Whose prices were cosy--but cannie:
	A buck for a fuck,
	Fifty cents for a suck,
And a dime for a feel of her fanny.
%
There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
	A virgin named Joan
	From a bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."
%
There once was a gangster named Brown
- the sneakiest bastard in town.
	He was caught by G-men
	Shooting his semen
Where the cops would slip and fall down.
%
There once was a gaucho named Bruno,
Who said, "About sex, well, I do know,
	Sheep are just fine,
	Chickens, divine,
But iguanas are Numero Uno."
%
There once was a gay young Parisian
Who screwed an appendix incision,
	And the girl of his choice
	Could hardly rejoice
At the horrible lack of precision.
%
There once was a girl from Cornell
Whose teats were shaped like a bell.
	When you touched them they shrunk,
	Except when she was drunk,
And then they got bigger than hell.
%
There once was a girl from Decatur,
Who got laid by a big alligator.
	Now nobody knew
	The result of that screw,
'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.
%
There once was a girl from Madras
Who had such a beautiful ass -
	It was not round and pink
	( as you bastards think )
But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.
%
There once was a girl from Madras
Who had such a beautiful ass -
	It was not round and pink
	(As you bastards think)
But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.
%
There once was a girl from Spokane,
Went to bed with a one-legged man.
	She said, "I know you--
	You've really got two!
Why didn't you say so when we began?"
%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
	But she started absorbin'
	A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%
There once was a girl named Louise
Who cunt hair hung down to her knees
	The crabs in her twat
	Tied the hairs in a knot
And constructed a flying trapeze
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There once was a girl named Mcgoffin
Who was diddled amazingly often.
	She was rogered by scores
	Who'd been turned down by whores,
And was finally screwed in her coffin.
%
There once was a girl named Priscilla
Whose vagina was flavored vanilla.
	The taste was so fine
	Man and beast stood in line
(Including a stud armadilla).
%
There once was a girl so lovely,
Who wanted to make love in the bubbly,
	She strapped on her tanks,
	And started her pranks,
But the lobsters all thought she was ugly.
%
There once was a golfer named Leer,
Who got put in the clink for a year,
	For an action obscene,
	On the very first green.
Where the sign said "Enter course here."
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There once was a gouty old colonel
Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal,
	And he cried in his tiffin
	For his prick wouldn't stiffen,
And the size of the thing was infernal.
%
There once was a guardsman from Buckingham
Who said, "As for girls, I hate fucking 'em.
	But when I meet boys,
	God! how I enjoys
Just licking their peckers and sucking 'em."
%
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen.
	So he built him some chicks,
	Of silicon chips,
And hasn't been heard from since then.
%
There once was a handsome young seaman
Who with ladies was really a demon.
	In peace or in war,
	At sea or on shore,
He could certainly dish out the semen.
%
There once was a horny old bitch
With a motorized self-frigger which
	She would use with delight
	All day long and all night -
Twenty bucks: Abercrombie & Fitch.
%
There once was a horse named Lily
Whose dingus was really a dilly.
	It was vaginoid duply,
	And labial quadruply --
In fact, he was really a filly.
%
There once was a husky young Viking
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
	Every time he got hot
	He would scour the twat
Of some girl that might be to his liking.
%
There once was a jolly old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke.
	He took down her pants,
	Fucked her into a trance,
And then shit into her shoe for a joke.
%
There once was a kiddie named Carr
Caught a man on top of his mar.
	As he saw him stick 'er,
	He said with a snicker,
"You do it much faster than par."
%
There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
	One was even so brave
	As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
%
There once was a lady from Kansas
Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
	It was nine inches deep
	And the sides were quite steep --
It had whiskers like General Carranza's.
%
There once was a lady named Carter,
Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
	She stripped off his pants,
	At his prick quickly glanced,
And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"
%
There once was a lady named Clair,
Who posessed a magnificent pair.
	Or that's what I thought,
	Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.
%
There once was a lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle.
	She had crabs, so they say,
	In a year and a day
Which proved that that turtle was fertile.
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There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
	Arraigned for exposure,
	He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

	[Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things.  Ed.]
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There once was a lifeguard named Lee
Who rescued a girl from the sea
	She asked how to pay,
	And he said "Try this way,
Go down for the third time on me."
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There once was a maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
	She only got thrills
	From pneumatic drills
And an off-centered emery wheel.
%
There once was a man from Bombay
He would do it all night and all day
	He soon became sore
	You shoulda' heard him roar
When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!
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There once was a man from Calcutta
Who used to beat off in the gutta
	The heat of the sun
	Affected his gun
And turned all his cream into butta!
%
There once was a man from Dunoon,
Who always ate soup with a fork.
	He said "When I eat
	Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."
%
There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
	But it wasn't the size
	That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.
%
There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
	When they clanged together,
	They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.
%
There once was a man from Nantee
Who buggered an ape in a tree.
	The results were most horrid
	All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee.
%
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
	His daughter, named Nan,
	Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

The pair of them went to Manhasset,
(Nan and the man with the asset.)
	Pa followed them there,
	But they left in a tear,
And as for the asset, Manhasset.

Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket,
(Nan and the man with the bucket.)
	Pa said to the man,
	"You're welcome to Nan."
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
%
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
	He said with a grin,
	As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!
%
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
	He said with a grin
	As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
%
There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
	Both concave and convex,
	It could please either sex,
But, oh, what a bastard to clean!
%
There once was a man from Sandem
Who was making his girl on a tandem.
	At the peak of the make
	She jammed on the brake
And scattered his semen at random.
%
There once was a man from Sydney
Who could put it up to her kidney.
	But the man from Quebec
	Put it up to her neck;
He had a big one, now didn't he?
%
There once was a man named Lodge,
who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
	When his date was strapped in,
	He committed a sin,
without ever leaving the garage.
%
There once was a man named McGruder,
Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder.
	But the girl thought it crude,
	To be wooed in the nude,
So McGru took an oar and subduder.
%
There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
	So just to be couth
	He added vermouth
And slipped his best girl a martini.
%
There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
	Just to be couth,
	He added vermouth,
And slipped his girlfriend a martini.
%
There once was a man named Parridge
With peculiar views on marriage.
	He sucked off his brother,
	Fucked his own mother,
And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.
%
There once was a man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya,
	When you work on my middle
	Be sure you don't fiddle
With things that do not concern ya."
%
There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
	The sword that he used
	Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).
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There once was a miner named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
	She was ugly as shit,
	And missing one tit,
But think of the money he saves.
%
There once was a monk of Camyre
Who was seized with a carnal desire
	And the primary cause
	Was the abbess's drawers
Which were hung up to dry by the fire.
%
There once was a newspaper vendor,
A person of dubious gender.
	He would charge one-and-two
	For permission to view
His remarkable double pudenda.
%
There once was a plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
	Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
	I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."
%
There once was a pretty young Mrs.
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
	Her mind lost its grasp -
	Now she thinks she's an asp
And just sits in the corner and hrs.
%
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
	Till a prince from Peru
	Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
%
There once was a reverend at Kings
Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things.
	But his heart was on fire
	For a boy in the choir
Whose buns were like jelly on springs.
%
There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
Who said, "They can all go to hell!
	What they do to my wife --
	Why it ruins my life;
And the worst is they all do it well."
%
There once was a sailor named Gasted,
A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
	He could jerk himself off
	In a basket, aloft,
Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.
%
There once was a Scot named McAmeter
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
	It was not the size
	That cause such surprise;
'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
%
There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
	Yet the girls he would dazzle,
	And fuck to a frazzle,
And then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch!
%
There once was a spaceman named Spock
Who had a huge Vulcanized cock.
	A girl from Missouri
	Whose name was Uhura
Just fainted away from the shock.
%
There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,
Discovered his sex life was hapless:
	The more he would screw
	The more he'd want to,
And he fear