zippy

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Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
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Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING
and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!
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Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
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... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
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Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
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Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
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Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
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Oh, I get it!!  "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
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Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR
DEAD CAT LOVERS" ...
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OKAY!!  Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED
R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
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OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S
the WASHING MACHINES?
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On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS
PHILBIN ...  It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!
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On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL
QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
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On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT.
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Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of
DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY
VALUES!!
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Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION
statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was
completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely
amusing SIT-COM pilots!!  We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we
finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled
snack cakes!
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One FISHWICH coming up!!
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ONE:    I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to
	the downtown PLASMA CENTER ...
TWO:	I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ...
THREE:	I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!
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... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
Tuesday?
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Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this
table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also
leave a GENEROUS TIP ....
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over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ...
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OVER the underpass!  UNDER the overpass!  Around the FUTURE and BEYOND
REPAIR!!
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PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
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Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your
BOOTH!
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PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
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PIZZA!!
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Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the
Trianon Room!!  Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
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Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!!
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Psychoanalysis??  I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
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PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!
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Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
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RELATIVES!!
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Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by
prescription!!
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RHAPSODY in Glue!
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SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS
... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes,
starring JANE FONDA!!
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Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA
94140, USA
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SHHHH!!  I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into
empty OIL DRUMS ...
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Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
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Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a
VASECTOMY??
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Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
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Sign my PETITION.
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So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
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So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL
INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2
SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
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someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
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Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
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Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB
CHOP!!
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Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a
batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
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Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it
to Beaver"!
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Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!!  I wonder why?
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TAILFINS!! ... click ...
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	Talking Pinhead Blues:
Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel
    TWENTY-SIX!!

Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been
    DEAD for YEARS..  (sniff)

My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG
    won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)

So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!
    (on no, no, no..  Heh, heh)
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TAPPING?  You POLITICIANS!  Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash
Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
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Tex SEX!  The HOME of WHEELS!  The dripping of COFFEE!!  Take me to
Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
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Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
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Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
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The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
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The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
and have since BIRTH!!
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The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my
SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
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The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
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... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
OYSTER!  Yum!
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The Korean War must have been fun.
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... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
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The Osmonds!  You are all Osmonds!!  Throwing up on a freeway at
dawn!!!
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The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
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The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!  But they went to MARS
around 1953!!
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The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ...
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There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
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There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
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These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
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They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen
appeal!
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This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
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This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
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This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up
against someone's MARTINI!!
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... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
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This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
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This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
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This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience!  Someone I DON'T LIKE is
talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ...
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Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD
SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
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Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the
aesthetic modules --
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Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER
before his MAKEOVER!
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Toes, knees, NIPPLES.  Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ...
Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
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TONY RANDALL!  Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
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Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
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Uh-oh!!  I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
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UH-OH!!  I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by
mistake!!!
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UH-OH!!  I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!!  Ha ha.
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Uh-oh!!  I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
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UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
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Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
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VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
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Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
TAX-DEFERRED!
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Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat
Junction??
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Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN?  It tastes REAL GOOD!!
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We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot
tub ...
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We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
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We just joined the civil hair patrol!
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We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home.
45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!
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Well, here I am in AMERICA..  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I
HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE ...
EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!
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Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!!  And I'm looking for a way to
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
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Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
ROOM ...
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Well, O.K.  I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL
DESPAIR!
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Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
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What a COINCIDENCE!  I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!!
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What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
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What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ...
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What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
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What PROGRAM are they watching?
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What UNIVERSE is this, please??
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What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
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When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or
DETERGENT for 15 minutes.  He seemed to enjoy it ...
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When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ...
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When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
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When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING
BILL ... Don't you SEE?  O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION
and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!
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Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
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Where does it go when you flush?
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Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
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Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
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Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!
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While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit
priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
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While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ...  his
will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!
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WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
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WHOA!!  Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!!  It must be the
NEGATIVE IONS!!
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Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
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Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin??  Don't you know your
own ZIPCODE?
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Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
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Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER with you??
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Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
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Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
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Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
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With YOU, I can be MYSELF ...  We don't NEED Dan Rather ...
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World War III?  No thanks!
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World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
dress code!
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Wow!  Look!!  A stray meatball!!  Let's interview it!
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Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
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Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON
MAIDEN concert?
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You can't hurt me!!  I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
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You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th'
distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?
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You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
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YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!
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You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW
CAREER!!
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You were s'posed to laugh!
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YOU!!  Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN
DOLLHOUSE you can find!!  An make it SNAPPY!!
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Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
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Youth of today!  Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental
attitudes!
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Yow!
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Yow!  Am I having fun yet?
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Yow!  Am I in Milwaukee?
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Yow!  And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
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Yow!  Are we laid back yet?
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Yow!  Are we wet yet?
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Yow!  Are you the self-frying president?
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Yow!  Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
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Yow!  I just went below the poverty line!
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Yow!  I threw up on my window!
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Yow!  I want my nose in lights!
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Yow!  I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
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Yow!  I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel
mill!
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Yow!  I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
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Yow!  Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
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Yow!  Is this sexual intercourse yet??  Is it, huh, is it??
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Yow!  It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
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Yow!  It's some people inside the wall!  This is better than mopping!
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Yow!  Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY --
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Yow!  Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING
BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
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Yow!  Now we can become alcoholics!
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Yow!  Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
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Yow!  We're going to a new disco!
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YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
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YOW!!  I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
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YOW!!  Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM
laws!!
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YOW!!  The land of the rising SONY!!
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YOW!!  Up ahead!  It's a DONUT HUT!!
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YOW!!  What should the entire human race DO??  Consume a fifth of
CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
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YOW!!!  I am having fun!!!
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Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...