fortunes

早期freebsd实现

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A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
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"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
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A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
	She found a good way
	To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
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A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
		-- Tennessee Williams
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A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
	The system, you see,
	Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
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A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
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A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
people's attention.
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"A witty saying proves nothing."
		-- Voltaire
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"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
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A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
in God.
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A.A.A.A.A.:
	An organization for drunks who drive
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AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!
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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
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"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
ends."
		-- Herbert Hoover
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Absence makes the heart go wander.
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Absent, adj.:
	Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
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Absentee, n.:
	A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Abstainer, n.:
	A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
pleasure.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Absurdity, n.:
	A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own
opinion.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
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Accident, n.:
	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
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Accidents cause History.

If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the
Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not
have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil
could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and
the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
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According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest:  "No person
shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than
fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening
of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of
the returns."
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According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
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According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
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According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
totally worthless.
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According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
dies.
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"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
live in America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came
in twenty-fifth.  Here in New York we really don't care too much.
Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime."
		-- David Letterman
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Accordion, n.:
	A bagpipe with pleats.
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Accuracy, n.:
	The vice of being right
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			ACHTUNG!!!

Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und
vatch das blinkenlights!!!
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Acid -- better living through chemistry.
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Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
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Acquaintance, n.:
	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well
enough to lend to.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from
coughing."
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Actor:	"I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
	everyone glued in their seats!"
Oliver Herford:	"Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Clever of you to think of
	it!"
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Actor:	So what do you do for a living?
Doris:	I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
	dishes for Chinese restaurants.
		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
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Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
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ADA, n.:
	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
awareness."
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Admiration, n.:
	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Adolescence, n.:
	The stage between puberty and adultery.
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"Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
like you ..."
		-- Gilda Radner
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Adore, v.:
	To venerate expectantly.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Adult, n.:
	One old enough to know better.
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Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
		-- Sinclair Lewis
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Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
then at least be asceptic.
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After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
that it sinks like a stone.
		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
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After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
more advanced than the lichen family.
		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
		   Do"
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After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
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"... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations."
		-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
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After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not
for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have
simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
		-- P. J. O'Rourke
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After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
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	After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
to be created."
	"This is true," He replied.
	"He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.
	"What!  You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!  You ask for the
right to make his laws?"
	"Oh, no!"  Satan replied, "I ask only that he be allowed to
make his own."
	It was so granted.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
cost to others, to win advancement."
		-- Norman Thomas
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After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
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After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe
everything.  Just in case.
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After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.
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Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a
change.
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Afternoon, n.:
	That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
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Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.
		-- Dorothy Parker
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Age, n.:
	That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
to commit.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
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Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
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Ah, but the choice of dreams to live, 
there's the rub.

For all dreams are not equal,
some exit to nightmare
most end with the dreamer

But at least one must be lived ... and died.
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"Ah, you know the type.  They like to blame it all on the Jews or the
Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact
that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately
unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
		-- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
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Air is water with holes in it
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Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
		-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
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Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied: "You see, wire
telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New
York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?
And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they
receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat."
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Alden's Laws:
	(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
	    of pregnancy.
	(2) Always be backlit.
	(3) Sit down whenever possible.
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Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
	You take one down, and pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
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Alex Haley was adopted!
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Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting
for a dial tone.
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Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
them keeps paying for it.
		-- Peggy Joyce
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All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent
upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a
visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is
informing, stimulating and ennobling.
		-- H. L. Mencken
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All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
		-- Alan Truscott
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All extremists should be taken out and shot.
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All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
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"All flesh is grass"
		-- Isiah
Smoke a friend today.
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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
importance.
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All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
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All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
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All men are mortal.  Socrates was mortal.  Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
		-- Woody Allen
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"All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us
sane."
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"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific."
		-- Jane Wagner
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All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
		-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
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All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
		-- Vic Gold
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