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随书类文件![随书类]MFC_SOURCEBOOK

And if smile come to their lips, they consign it to a file.

They have little regard for your amorous approaches,
Plight will be yours, infinite loops & blunderous goaches.

You are bitten by different bugs, though love it may appear,
Just when you think you're going steady, you'll get run time error.

And if your beloved may be a programmer in COBOL,
May God be with you for they are the worst of them all.

Sticklers for standards, you'll have a rough time,
You'll die of keeping tabs, in your youth prime.

Beauty and brain together, which was never meant to be,
They have them both and are for sure deadly.

And yet there are Heroes who's love has made history,
But why their fates didn't hang is still a mystery.

So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,
Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an analyst.
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Austin Cagney<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Tuesday, April 7, 1998 at 03:07:58<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing
round the cages on display.  While he's there, another customer walks
in and says to the shopkeeper.  "I'll have a C monkey, please."
The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and
takes out a monkey.  He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the
customer, saying "That'll be $5,000."  The customer pays and walks out
with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says,  "That was a
very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars.
Why did it cost so much?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper,  "that monkey can program in C with very
fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage.  He says to the
shopkeeper,  "That one's even more expensive, $10,000!  What does it
do?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage
object-oriented programming,  C++, even some Java - all the really
useful stuff."

The tourist looks around for a little longer and sees a third monkey in
a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck say $50,000.  He gasps
to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put
together! What on earth does it do?"

"Well", says the shopkeeper,  "I don't know if it does anything, but is
says it's a Consultant."
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Austin Cagney<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Tuesday, April 7, 1998 at 02:59:56<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Unix is a spoof

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken
Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix
operating system and C programming language created by them is an
elaborate prank kept alive for over 20 years. Speaking at the recent
UnixWorld Software Development Forum, Thompson revealed the following:

"In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/ Honeywell/
AT&T Multics project. Brian and I had started work with an early
release of Pascal from Professor Niklaus Wirth's ETH labs in
Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and
power. Dennis had just finished reading 'Bored of the Rings', a
National Lampoon parody of the Tolkien's 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy.
As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment and
Pascal. Dennis and I were responsible for the operating environment.

We looked at Multics and designed the new OS to be as complex and
cryptic as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels,
calling it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risque
allusions. We sold the terse command language to novitiates by telling
them that it saved them typing.

Then Dennis and Brian worked on a warped version of Pascal, called
'A'.  'A' looked a lot like Pascal, but elevated the notion of the
direct memory address (which Wirth had banished) to the central
concept of the language.  This was Dennis's contribution, and he in
fact coined the term "pointer" as an innocuous sounding name for a
truly malevolent construct. Brian must be credited with the idea of
having absolutely no standard I/O specification: this ensured that at
least 50% of the typical commercial program would have to be re-coded
when changing hardware platforms. Brian was also responsible for
pitching this lack of I/O as a feature: it allowed us to describe the
language as "truly portable".

When we found others were actually creating real programs with A, we
removed compulsory type-checking on function arguments. Later, we
added a notion we called "casting": this allowed the programmer to
treat an integer as though it were a 50kb user-defined structure. When
we found that some programmers were simply not using pointers, we
eliminated the ability to pass structures to functions, enforcing
their use in even the Simplest applications. We sold this, and many
other features, as enhancements to the efficiency of the language. In
this way, our prank evolved into B, BCPL, and finally C. We stopped
when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:


  for
(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=3DC;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("|"+(*u/4)%2);

At one time, we joked about selling this to the Soviets to set their
computer science progress back 20 or more years.

Unfortunately, AT&T and other US corporations actually began using
Unix and C. We decided we'd better keep mum, assuming it was just a
passing phase.  In fact, it's taken US companies over 20 years to
develop enough expertise to generate useful applications using this
1960's technological parody.  We are impressed with the tenacity of
the general Unix and C programmer. In fact, Brian, Dennis and I have
never ourselves attempted to write a commercial application in this
environment.

We feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly awesome
programming projects that have resulted from our silly prank so long
ago."

Dennis Ritchie said: "What really tore it (just when AIDA was catching
on), was that Bjarne Stroustrup caught onto our joke.  He extended it
to further parody, Smalltalk.  Like us, he was caught by surprise when
nobody laughed. So he added multiple inheritance, virtual base
classes, and later... templates. All to no avail. So we now have
compilers that can compile 100,000 lines per second, but need to
process header files for 25 minutes before they get to the meat of
"Hello, World".

Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including AT&T, Microsoft,
Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, and DEC have refused comment at this time.
Borland International, a leading vendor of object-oriented tools,
including the popular Turbo Pascal and Borland C++, stated they had
suspected this for a couple of years. In fact, the notoriously late
Quattro Pro for Windows was originally written in C++. Philippe Kahn
said: "After two and a half years programming, and massive programmer
burn-outs, we re-coded the whole thing in Turbo Pascal in three
months. I think it's fair to say that Turbo Pascal saved our bacon".
Another Borland spokesman said that they would continue to enhance
their Pascal products and halt further efforts to develop C/C++.

Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal, Modula
2 and Oberon structured languages, cryptically said "P.T. Barnum was
right." He had no further comments.

    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Anonymous<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 6, 1998 at 22:19:26<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Did you ever figure out 

Why Windows 3.1 had file manager and
  Windows 95 has Explorer.

You Managed your files in Windows 3.1
You search for your lost files in Windows 95
    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> J黵gen<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 6, 1998 at 12:30:51<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>The Real Programmer's Natural Habitat

What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function best in? This is an important question for the managers of Real Programmers. Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one on the staff, it's best to put him (or her) in an environment where he can get his work done. 
The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer terminal. Surrounding this terminal are: 

Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on, piled in roughly chronological order on every flat surface in the office. 
Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee. Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the coffee. In some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush. 
Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OSJCL manual and the Principles of Operation open to some particularly interesting pages. 
Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calender for the year 1969. 
Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter filled cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the vending machine. 
Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of double-stuff Oreos for special occasions. 
Underneath the Oreos is a flow-charting template, left there by the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write programs, not documentation. Leave that to the maintainence people.) 
The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours at a stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that way. Bad response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer -- it gives him a chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If there is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to make things more challenging by working on some small but interesting part of the problem for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest in the last week, in two or three 50-hour marathons. This not only inpresses the hell out of his manager, who was despairing of ever getting the project done on time, but creates a convenient excuse for not doing the documentation. In general: 

No Real Programmer works 9 to 5. (Unless it's the ones at night.) 
Real Programmers don't wear neckties. 
Real Programmers don't wear high heeled shoes. 
Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch. 
A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He does, however, know the entire ASCII (or EBCDIC) code table. 
Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't open at three in the morning. Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee. 
    
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Vytukas<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 6, 1998 at 09:27:11<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>     THINGS COMPUTERS CAN DO IN MOVIES
 1. Word processors never display a cursor.
 2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
 3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
 4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
 5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some 
    such governmental institution, will have easy to understand     
    graphical interfaces.
 6. Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly
    powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand 
    and execute commands typed in plain English.
 7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any
    information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES"
    on any near-by keyboard.
 8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply
    typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)
 9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on 
    the villain's desktop computer even if it's turned off.
10. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen
    changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen
    so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. (Really advanced
    computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)
11. All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have
    explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are   
    indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower 
    of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.
12. People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving
    the data.
13. A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer
    in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.
14. You may bypass "PERMISSION DENIED" message by using the        
    "OVERRIDE" function. (See "Demolition Man".)
15. Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average
    minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems 
    that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.
16. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be 
    accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear 
    to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
17. When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all
    control panels will explode shortly before the entire building 
    will.
18. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file,
    it also disappears from the screen (See "Clear and Present      
    Danger").
19. If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked
    for a password when you insert it.
20. Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the
    manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See "Independence
    Day".)
21. Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and
    all software is usable on any platforms.
22. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have
    (See "Aliens".)
23. Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers
    because the buttons have no labels except for the "SELF-DESTRUCT"
    button.
24. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
    three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics  
    capabilities.
25. Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities 
    and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.
26. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright
    that it projects itself onto their face. (See "Alien" or "2001")
27. Searches on the internet will always return what you are looking
    for no matter how vague your keywords are. (See "Mission Impossible",
    Tom Cruise searches with keywords like "file" and "computer" an
    3 results are returned.)
    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Vytukas<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 6, 1998 at 09:24:45<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>As many people have probably heard by now, Bill Gates built a new
home, a VERY large home, 35 garages, several buildings and so on.
However, the problems he's had with the house are much less known.
The following is an excerpt from a conversation Bill had with his new
home contracters:

Bill: There are a few issues we need to discuss

Contractor: Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for
the first 90 days and a $75 call thereafter. Okay?

Bill: Uh, yeah. The first issue is the living room. We think it's a
little smaller than we anticipated.

Contractor: Yeah, some compromises were made to have it out by the
release date.

Bill: We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there.

Contractor: Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new,
larger living room. Or you can use a stacker.

Bill: Stacker?

Contractor: Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into
the living room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment
center on the couch, the chairs on the table, etc. You leave an empty
spot, so that when you want to use some furniture, you can unstack
what you need and put it back when you're done.

Bill: Uh, I dunno... Issue two. The second issue is the light
fixtures.  The light bulbs we brought with us from our old house don't
fit.  The threads run the wrong way.

Contractor: Oh, that's a feature!  The bulbs you have aren't plug and
play.  You'll have to upgrade to new bulbs.

Bill: And the electrical outlets?  The holes are round instead of
rectangular.  How do I fix that?

Contractor: That's another feature designed with the cusatomer in
mind.  Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system.

Bill: Your kidding!?!

Contractor: Nope, it's the only way.