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随书类文件![随书类]MFC_SOURCEBOOK

<B>Submitted on:</B> Friday, April 17, 1998 at 09:06:20<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Read on the computer`s front panel:
"I don`t think, therefore I don`t happen"
    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> from rec.humor posted by [e-mail]<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Friday, April 17, 1998 at 08:39:55<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Computer One Liners    

 Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
 The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
 Did anyone see my lost carrier?
 Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
 Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
 Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.
 Double your drive space - delete Windows!
 Oops.  My brain just hit a bad sector.
 C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.
  Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
 My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI.
 Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
 Spelling checkers at maximum!  Fire!
 Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
 Never violate the Prime Directory!  C:\
 Multitasking:  Screwing up several things at once...
 Maniac:  An early computer built by nuts...
 Stack Error:  Lost on a cluttered desk...
 Stack Overflow:  Too many pancakes...
 Capt'n!  The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
 C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
 ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
 How do I set my laser printer on stun?
 'Calm down -- it's only ones and zeros.'
 '.... now touch these wires to your tongue!'
 According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
 It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
 RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
 Computers are only human.
 This time it will surely run.
 I just found the last bug.
 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
     chance.    -Robert R. Coveyou   Oak Ridge National Laboratory
 It's redundant!  It's redundant!     -R. E. Dundant
 Bug?  That's not a bug, that's a feature.       -T. John Wendel
 The programmer's nat'l anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH' - Weinberg, p. 152
 If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must
 be the process of putting them in.  -Dykstra
 "#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))  - Shakespeare."
 "Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE"
 Logic:  The art of being wrong with confidence...
 To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
 If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
 Maintenance-free:  When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
 Microwave:  Signal from a friendly micro...
 Nostalgia:  The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
 Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
 AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
 CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
 This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
 Todays assembler command :  EXOP   Execute Operator
 Justify my text?  I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
 Programming is an art form that fights back.
 Backups?  We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx  NO CARRIER
 My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
 Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
 To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
 Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Russell Sibley<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Wednesday, April 15, 1998 at 23:47:13<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>More... How to shoot yourself in the foot in programming languages

     FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in the foot iteratively until you
     run out of feet, then you keep shooting anyway because you have
     no exception handling capability.

     COBOL:  You spend a week describing the foot, the gun, the velocity
     and trajectory of the bullet, and the characteristics of impact,
     then submit the design to MIS.  Two weeks later your foot comes 
     back deep fried.

    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Peter Pearson<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Tuesday, April 14, 1998 at 15:56:22<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>How to shoot yourself in the foot in programming languages

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing medical assistance is impossible, since you can't tell which are pointers, and which are the real you.

Modula-2: After realising that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but you can't locate the file with the foot for the life of you.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

dBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time you feel the pain, you forget why you shot yourself in the first place.

Basic: You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol.

Visual Basic: You shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't mind.

Word Basic: You pull the trigger, but nothing seems to happen. The next time you close Word and open Excel you find that your wife and all your children have holes in their feet.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Windows 3: You pull the trigger and get a GPF in your foot.

Windows 3.11: You pull the trigger and holes appear in the feet of everyone else on the network.

Windows 95: You pull the trigger and you are advised that you have the wrong version of Winsock loaded. Then a hole appears in your foot. Then a hole appears in your foot. Then a hole appears in your foot. Then...




    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Ragu<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 23:45:45<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Why are Digital (DEC) very concerned about Global Warming?
Their V(W)AX systems are already melting heavily.

    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Paul Kuliniewicz<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 18:08:55<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>In the next edition of Webster's Dictionary.....

MS Windows 95 (n) - A 32-bit extension of a 16-bit shell of an 8-bit 
operating system for a 4-bit processor from a 2-bit company that 
can't stand 1 bit of competition.</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Dirk Bosmans<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 17:36:53<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Is it too much to ask for a link to my jokes site at http://www.ping.be/arci/jokesfrm.htm?    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Dirk Bosmans<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 17:35:53<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Is it too much to ask for a link to my jokes site at http://www.ping.be/arci/jokesfrm.htm?

Dirk    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Jokester<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 10:12:09<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre> LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION
     
   Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
   
   hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
   
   wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
   
   thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
   
   finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
   
   measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
   
   breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
   
   vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
   
   knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
   
   classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
   
   dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
   
   promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
   
   sent away as soon as possible.
   
   Sincerely,
   
   --Project Leader
   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------
   The following Memo was soon sent following "The Letter"
   
   That stupid dolt was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report
   sent to you earlier today. Kindly read every second line (i.e..  1, 3,
   5, 7, 9, ..) for my true assessment of him.
   
   Regards,
   
   Derek Crabb
   Project Leader    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Harry<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 10:08:42<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>  A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on
  a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the
  Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The
  Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls
  over to the window to catch a few winks.

  The Programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy
  and a lot of fun. He explains 'I ask you a question , and if you
  don't know the answer, you pay me $5.' Again, the Engineer
  politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

  The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says 'OK, if you don't
  know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer,
  I will pay you $50!'This catches the Engineer's complete
  attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so
  he agrees to the game.

  The Programmer asks the first question. 'What's the distance
  from the earth to the moon?' The Engineer doesn't say a word,
  reaches in to his wallet, pull out a five-dollar bill and hands it to
  the Programmer. Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the
  Programmer: 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes
  down with four?' The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled
  look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
  references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and
  searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he
  sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to
  no avail.

  After over an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50.
  The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back
  to sleep. The Programmer, more that a little miffed, shakes the
  Engineer and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer?' Without a
  word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer
  $5 and goes back to sleep.    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Michael Tan (www.biosys.net/michaeltan) at [e-mail]<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 09:26:38<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Windows 95 has been described as a set of:

 32 bit extensions made for a
 16 bit patch developed for an
 8 bit OS originally designed for a
 4 bit micro-processor made by a
 2 bit company who can't stand
 1 bit of competition.



    
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Michael Tan (www.biosys.net/michaeltan) at [e-mail]<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 09:23:56<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Heavan and Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So
the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon,the
engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts
designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty
popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things aregoing
great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,and
there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God
replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should
never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like
having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him
back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah,
right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"




    
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Michael Tan (www.biosys.net/michaeltan) at [e-mail]<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Monday, April 13, 1998 at 09:21:25<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>
Bill Gate is building his new house underground this time. 

Why? 

He doesn't want to spend another cent on Windows!


    
</pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Umut Alev<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Friday, April 10, 1998 at 20:03:04<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>Q: What is small and flexible?
A: Microsoft.

    
    </pre></BLOCKQUOTE><HR>

<B>Submitted by:</B> Michael Taupitz<BR>
<B>Submitted on:</B> Friday, April 10, 1998 at 12:49:17<BR>
<BLOCKQUOTE><pre>    
    

The Evolution of a Programmer
 -----------------------------

High School/Jr.High
===================
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END