📄 rfc2795.txt
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THANKS
This is an indicator that a ZOO is about to terminate the
connection.
8.2. CRITIC Responses
SIGH <insult>
When the ZOO establishes a connection, the CRITIC must respond
with a SIGH and an optional insult.
IMPRESS_ME
A CRITIC must respond with an IMPRESS_ME once a ZOO has made a
TRANSCRIPT request.
REJECT <code> REJECT 0 <text>
When a transcript has been received, the CRITIC must respond
with a REJECT and a code that indicates the reason for
rejection. A table of rejection codes is provided below. When
the code is 0, the CRITIC may respond using free text. A CRITIC
may send a REJECT before it has received or processed the full
text of the transcript.
DONT_CALL_US_WE'LL_CALL_YOU
The CRITIC makes this statement before terminating the
connection.
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
GRUDGING_ACCEPTANCE
THIS RESPONSE IS NOT SUPPORTED IN THIS VERSION OF PAN. The
Working group for the Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (WIMPS)
agreed that it is highly unlikely that a CRITIC will ever use
this response when a REJECT is available. It is only included
as an explanation to implementors who do not fully understand
how CRITICs work. In time, it is possible that a CRITIC may
evolve (in much the same way that a monkey might). Should such
a time ever come, the WIMPS may decide to support this response
in later versions of PAN.
8.3. Table of CRITIC Reject Codes
CODE DESCRIPTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 0 | <Encrypted response following; see below>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 1 | "You're reinventing the wheel."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 2 | "This will never, ever sell."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 3 | "Huh? I don't understand this at all."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 4 | "You forgot one little obscure reference from twenty years
| | ago that renders your whole idea null and void."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 5 | "Due to the number of submissions, we could not accept every
| | transcript."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 6 | "There aren't enough charts and graphs. Where is the color?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 7 | "I'm cranky and decided to take it out on you."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 8 | "This is not in within the scope of what we are looking for."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| 9 | "This is too derivative."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|10 | "Your submission was received after the deadline. Try again
| | next year."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If the CRITIC uses a reject code of 0, then the textual response
must use an encryption scheme that is selected by the CRITIC.
Since the PAN protocol does not specify how a ZOO may determine
what scheme is being used, the ZOO might not be able to understand
the CRITIC's response.
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
8.4. Example ZOO-to-CRITIC Session using PAN
Below is a sample session from a ZOO (SanDiego) to a CRITIC
(NoBrainer).
NoBrainer> SIGH Abandon hope all who enter here
SanDiego> COMPLIMENT We love your work. Your words are like
SanDiego> COMPLIMENT jewels and you are always correct.
SanDiego> TRANSCRIPT RomeoAndJuliet.BoBo.763 251
NoBrainer> IMPRESS_ME
SanDiego> Two households, both alike in dignity,
SanDiego> In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
SanDiego> From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
SanDiego> Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
SanDiego> From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
SanDiego> A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
NoBrainer> REJECT 2 ("This will never, ever sell.")
SanDiego> THANKS
NoBrainer> DONT_CALL_US_WE'LL_CALL_YOU
9. Security Considerations
In accordance with the principles of the humane treatment of
animals, the design of IMPS specifically prohibits the CRITIC from
contacting the SIMIAN directly and hurting its feelings. BARDs
and CRITICs are also separated because of fundamental
incompatibilities and design flaws.
The security considerations for the rest of IMPS are similar to
those for the original Internet protocols. Specifically, IMPS
refuses to learn from the mistakes of the past and blithely
repeats the same errors without batting an eye. Spoofing and
denial of service attacks abound if untrusted entities gain access
to an IMPS network. Since all transmissions occur in cleartext
without encryption, innovative works are subject to theft, which
is not a significant problem unless the network contains entities
other than CRITICs. The open nature of BARDs with respect to
IAMB-PENT messages allows a BARD to borrow heavily from
transmitted works, but by design BARDs are incapable of stealing
transcripts outright.
The ZOO may be left open to exploitation by pseudo-SIMIANs from
around the world. A third party could interrupt communications
between a ZOO and a SIMIAN by flooding the SIMIAN with packets,
incrementing the message ID by 1 for each packet. More heinously,
the party could exploit the KEEPER protocol by sending a single
STOP request to each SIMIAN, thus causing a massive denial of
service throughout the ZOO. The party could also spoof a CHIMP
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
request or send false information such as a DEAD status, which
could cause a ZOO to attempt to replace a monkey that is still
functioning properly.
In addition, if a ZOO repeatedly rejects a SIMIAN's requests
(especially those for FOOD, WATER, and VETERINARIAN), then the ZOO
may inadvertently cause its own denial of service with respect to
that particular SIMIAN. However, both KEEPER and CHIMP allow the
ZOO to detect this condition in a timely fashion via the
NORESPONSE or DEAD status codes.
All BARDs are inherently insecure because they face insurmountable
financial problems and low prioritization, which prevents them
from working reliably. In the rare cases when a BARD
implementation overcomes these obstacles, it is only successful
for 15 minutes, and reverts to being insecure immediately
thereafter [14]. Since a CRITIC could significantly reduce the
success of a BARD with an appropriate PAN response, this is one
more reason why BARDs and CRITICs should always be kept separate
from each other.
It is expected that very few people will care about most
implementations of CRITIC, and CRITICs themselves are inherently
insecure. Therefore, security is not a priority for CRITICs. The
CRITIC may become the victim of a denial of service attack if too
many SIMIANs submit transcripts at the same time. In addition,
one SIMIAN may submit a non-innovative work by spoofing another
SIMIAN (this is referred to as the Plagiarism Problem). A CRITIC
response can also be spoofed, but since the only response
supported in PAN version 1 is REJECT, this is of little
consequence. Care must be taken in future versions if a
GRUDGING_ACCEPTANCE response is allowed. Finally, a transcript
may be lost in transmission, and PAN does not provide a mechanism
for a ZOO to determine if this has happened. Future versions of
IMPS may be better suited to answer this fundamental design
problem: if an innovative work is lost in transmission, can a
CRITIC still PAN it?
Based on the number of packet-level vulnerabilities discovered in
recent years, it is a foregone conclusion that some
implementations will behave extremely poorly when processing
malformed IMPS packets with incorrect padding or reserved bits
[15] [16] [17].
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
Finally, no security considerations are made with respect to the
fact that over the course of infinite time, monkeys may evolve and
discover how to control their own SIMIAN interfaces and send false
requests, or to compose and submit their own transcripts. There
are indications that this may already be happening [18].
10. Acknowledgements
The author wishes to thank Andre Frech for technical comments that
tripled the size of this document, Kean Kaufmann and Amanda
Vizedom for lectures on Shakespearean grammar, Rohn Blake for
clarifying the nature of the entire universe, William Shakespeare
for accents, the number 16, and the color yellow.
11. References
[1] The Famous Brett Watson, "The Mathematics of Monkeys and
Shakespeare." http://www.nutters.org/monkeys.html
[2] Dr. Math. "Monkeys Typing Shakespeare: Infinity Theory."
http://forum.swarthmore.edu/dr.math/problems/bridge8.5.98.html
[3] K. Clark, Stark Mill Brewery, Manchester, NH, USA. Feb 18,
2000. (personal communication). "Good question! I never thought
of that! I bet nobody else has, either. Please pass the french
fries."
[4] The author was unable to find a reference in any issue of TV
Guide published between 1956 and the date of this document.
[5] "Dough Re Mi," The Brady Bunch. Original air date January 14,
1972.
[6] Postel, J., " Internet Protocol", STD 5, RFC 791, September 1981.
[7] Postel, J., "Transmission Control Protocol", STD 7, RFC 793,
September 1981.
[8] Brown, C. and A. Malis, "Multiprotocol Interconnect over Frame
Relay", STD 55, RFC 2427, September 1998.
[9] Internet-Draft, bernstein-netstrings-06 (expired Work in
Progress). D.J. Bernstein. Inclusion of this reference is a
violation of RFC 2026 section 2.2.
[10] Glassman, S., Manasse, M. and J. Mogul, "Y10K and Beyond", RFC
2550, 1 April 1999.
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
[11] "My Last Theorem: A Prankster's Guide to Ageless Mathematical
Jokes That are Funny Because They're True and People Can't Prove
Them for Centuries." P. Fermat. Circa 1630.
[12] .signature in various USENET postings, circa 1994. Author
unknown.
[13] "Recognizing Irony, or How Not to be Duped When Reading."
Faye Halpern. 1998.
http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Writing_Center/halpern1.htm
[14] Andy Warhol. Circa 1964.
[15] CERT Advisory CA-98-13. CERT. December 1998.
http://www.cert.org/advisories/
[16] CERT Advisory CA-97.28. CERT. December 1997.
http://www.cert.org/advisories/
[17] CERT Advisory CA-96.26. CERT. December 1996.
http://www.cert.org/advisories/
[18] All issues of TV Guide published between 1956 and the date of
this document.
12. Author's Address
SteQven M. Christey
EMail: steqve@shore.net
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RFC 2795 The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS) 1 April 2000
13. Full Copyright Statement
Copyright (C) The Internet Society (2000). All Rights Reserved.
This document and translations of it may be copied and furnished to
others, and derivative works that comment on or otherwise explain it
or assist in its implementation may be prepared, copied, published
and distributed, in whole or in part, without restriction of any
kind, provided that the above copyright notice and this paragraph are
included on all such copies and derivative works. However, this
document itself may not be modified in any way, such as by removing
the copyright notice or references to the Internet Society or other
Internet organizations, except as needed for the purpose of
developing Internet standards in which case the procedures for
copyrights defined in the Internet Standards process must be
followed, or as required to translate it into languages other than
English.
The limited permissions granted above are perpetual and will not be
revoked by the Internet Society or its successors or assigns.
This document and the information contained herein is provided on an
"AS IS" basis and THE INTERNET SOCIETY AND THE INTERNET ENGINEERING
TASK FORCE DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING
BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE INFORMATION
HEREIN WILL NOT INFRINGE ANY RIGHTS OR ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
Acknowledgement
Funding for the RFC Editor function is currently provided by the
Internet Society.
Christey Informational [Page 20]
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